Purpose
by BleakSituations
Summary: A collection of one-shots featuring the off-and-on strange tension/relationship/friendship between a certain Japanese samurai and his bean sprout. Rated for language, may change. AU.
1. Social Purpose

Purpose

Social Purpose

_Fucking hell… What the hell did I fucking do last night to make me feel _this_ bad? I'm sure that the fucking gods are out to get me or something. Fuck…!_ His head full of expletives, Kanda Yuu set about the momentous task of sitting up in his bed. Contrary to popular belief, Kanda always censored his language when it tumbled out of his mouth. Amazing since a good amount of curses normally left his mouth either way.

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!" a chipper voice made its way into Kanda's tranquility, somehow managing to mollify and further anger Kanda at the same time. How anybody could have had that much liquor and be up so early in the fucking—what time was it anyway? Noon. It was 12 pm and it was the latest Kanda had ever woken up in his entire fucking life. Cursing silently and berating the disappearance of his subconscious alarm clock, the one that woke him up every morning with the normal greeting of "Get up you son of a whoring bastard; you have a fucking long day ahead of you, you asshole," he sat up and squinted toward the other side of his room. His door was still closed. Thank god.

Come to think of it, the voices in his head weren't very nice. Hell, they had longer sticks shoved up their asses than he did. An uncomfortable thought, Kanda's mind instead went back to the problem at hand: namely, an overly eager bunny rabbit that had flounced into his room without any warning or consideration for his right to privacy and was now currently tugging open his curtains and allowing bright sunlight to filter into the room. Fuck but this was not helping his disposition.

He didn't understand. He didn't _fucking_ understand. Lavi had downed at least three bottles of straight vodka, 4 shots of tequila and half a bottle of rum and had been drunk out of his mind until Kanda had dragged him back to their apartment and dropped him on his bed, huffing and making his way to his own room. Kanda, on the other hand, had not had a single drink. He hadn't even had water for fear that Lavi would pour his fucking precious vodka into it or order tequila and replace it with the contents of his glass while he was in the restroom. Yet, the rabbit was just fine, probably even more fucking chipper than ever before while Kanda felt like he had gotten hit by three trains, a bandwagon and, for no apparent reason, a stampede of wild, bloodlust-crazed rhinos, and _then_ gotten mugged by ten army-grade hand-to-hand combat specialists and three professional wrestlers. Even that, Kanda found, didn't cover it. Every single muscle in his fucking body was crying out in protest but he still managed to lever his legs over the side of the bed and place one foot on the floor, before recoiling almost immediately when he found the tiles were colder than Antarctica in the middle of the night. _Fuck! Will nothing go right today?_

Cursing everything from the Earth to the Moon and back—not that there was much there, Kanda thought vaguely—he stubbornly set his foot down on the ground once more, almost cringing and waiting impatiently for it to adjust to the below-freezing temperature, before setting his other foot down and repeating the process, making a mental note to get a nice, warm rug. Then he promptly stood up, ignoring his protesting body that for some fucking reason was feeling particularly vulnerable and walking slowly and surely toward the other man in the room, who was blabbing on and on about something to do with sunlight and chlorophyll and "Jeez, Kanda, no wonder all of the plants in your room die within a two week time frame," and something about purple flying elephants… Or wait, that was the voices. The god damn, _fucking_ voices needed to shut their _fucking_ mouths before he _fucking_ made them.

With one last step, Kanda found himself face to face with a Lavi that was paying no attention to him, an extremely dangerous option when facing a pissed-off Kanda. For some reason, Lavi had become immune to his glares _and _his threats and therefore would _not_ fucking shut up when he needed to—or more specifically when Kanda wanted him to (which was all the time, but that was beside the point). If only Lavi would shut his mouth, Kanda thought disjointedly, he wouldn't be so hard on the eyes, or the ears in this case. Kanda paused before the inevitable explosion, deciding that although the voices needed to fucking _die_, Lavi had it coming to him even before they did. He was still talking to him as if he was paying attention. Pft, it would be a fucking _freezing_ day in hell before that happened… oh and heaven would have to be burnt to a crisp, Kanda decided, almost fascinated as he watched the other man gesture and continue talking, looking for all the world like he _wasn't_ talking to himself. The rabbit probably thought he'd been listening, but he really should have known him better than that. Kanda didn't do the whole listening thing. Fuck if he was in any way social.

Kanda waited patiently for Lavi to finish his one-way conversation, a novel response to anything the rabbit had ever done before. When the other man finally trailed off with a "Right, Yuu-chan?" Kanda stared at him rather unnervingly and they just stood there for a few minutes.

"Yuu-chan?" Kanda did not reply. "Yuu? Earth to Kanda?" Nothing.

Scratching his head in confusion, Lavi stared at his companion. It took all of half a second for Kanda to unsheathe Mugen and place the sharpest part of the blade at the other man's throat. It took another three seconds for Lavi to figure out where Kanda had gotten the katana from and how he had managed to so quickly get past every one of his defenses while probably still being half-asleep. And _then_ it took him another two seconds to realize that his death was imminent unless he said something. Or perhaps _when_ he said something. Either way, he was going to defend his measly little life the best he knew how.

"Uh… Kanda? There's a bean sprout at the door. Said it's urgent or something. Life or death and all that jazz." He'd said nothing of the sort, of course, but it was _Lavi's_ life on the line now and he would say anything to get out of this ordeal with _only_ a measly little scar running across his throat. "Just uh… slowly lower the tip of your blade from my very poorly guarded neck and we can go see what he wants, ok?" Kanda seemed to consider this as Lavi cowered in what could only be described as fear. After the twenty-third glare and the seventy-fourth threat, Lavi had found that he was no longer cowed by either, but even after the 755th time his neck met with Mugen, he still found himself scared shitless. Mugen was almost as much of a prick as its owner (though perhaps now was not the right time to be thinking of this; he hoped neither the sword nor its master could read minds) and as much of an asshole as the sword was, it clashed with his hyperactive personality; no matter what kind of conversation it was, neither found it in them to get along. After all, no matter what Lavi said, Mugen would still be pointed at his throat—the true definition of asshole. Perhaps it was the very _real_ threat of death or castration (or possibly both, knowing Kanda) that gave the sword an edge that simple threats and glares did not possess.

After a moment of receiving the patented Kanda glare and an equally long but stressful moment of cowering from the sword pointed at his throat, Lavi found that Kanda was not, in fact, killing him. It was a good start to getting him to withdraw the weapon and take a few steps back, but not enough to make him feel one hundred percent safe as he would if Mugen were sheathed. Thinking it over, it was probably not a good idea to open his mouth just yet. That might have led to a change of heart and an extremely short (or if Kanda was in the mood extremely drawn-out), extremely painful hello to his own personal, wonderful life in Hell. Which would have been excruciating, in more than just one way. Not to say that he wasn't prepared to "meet his maker" as the cliché went—oh, no, he was far past acceptance, he'd been taught as a child to take things objectively and what was more questionably objective than life and death?

A few seconds later, Lavi began to sweat. It was very soon or never, that was how Kanda worked after all, and the next few seconds he decided were crucial in the matter of his state of well-being. Thankfully, just as the sweat was turning cold with the addition of a shiver down his spine, a white head peeked in through the doorway with a wickedly cheerful smile on its face.

"I thought you'd have Lavi at sword-point for disturbing your rest by now, so I figured I'd stop by before one of my (arguably) best friends was beheaded and the other was sent to prison for first degree murder," Allen stated calmly.

"First degree—?!" Lavi squeaked while Kanda lowered Mugen with a slight "Tch, stupid meddling bean sprouts."

With the sudden absence of Mugen, Lavi took several quick steps back before running a hand over his throat and thinking what a godsend Allen was being currently, before taking into consideration what the boy had said as he made his appearance (he had a photographic memory after all).

"What do you mean first degree murder? It's not like he planned it," Lavi scoffed, "er… this time anyway," he added as an afterthought.

Allen looked skeptical, "Like hell he didn't plan it ahead of time. He had the whole second or so before Mugen was at your throat to decided where he'd dump the body and the whole minute or two (maybe three) while you were standing there cowering to decide if it was really worth it. That's plenty."

Lavi looked at him askance, "Are you _sure_ you're not psychic, bean sprout? You certainly have your moments."

"I changed my mind. I'll just take my leave and you can go back to your previous situation," Allen stated seriously before making a move to duck his head back through the opening in the door.

Faced with the option of either talking to Allen (as _Allen_ rather than bean sprout) or getting skewered (or beheaded or god forbid castrated) by Kanda, Lavi chose the much safer, much less painful route: "Er, wait—sorry, Allen. I didn't mean to call you that. Force of habit?"

Allen paused and then sent a glance back at a desperate Lavi before heaving a sigh and walking completely in the room. After shooting him a thankful glance, the rabbit scurried out of the room as fast as his legs would take him with a flimsy excuse—something about meeting someone, somewhere, at some time in the near future, banging the door open and grabbing a few things off the living room table as he went. So Allen found himself faced with an almost-murderous Kanda who had still not sheathed Mugen. Neither of them said a word for a few minutes before the distinct sound of the front door slamming and footsteps echoing down the stairs (much faster than the elevator) had faded. Still the minutes ticked by until they were sure the rabbit wasn't coming back soon—or hopefully ever, Kanda thought although doubtful, and then Kanda finally replaced Mugen in her sheathe and took the one or two steps to his bed where he sat wearily, rubbing his hand down his face and scowling at life in general.

Allen moved further into the room, anything but tentative, and sat at the comfortable, padded swivel chair in front of Kanda's desk. Kanda and Lavi's apartment was a large flat that they had gotten at a surprisingly low rate and was most likely attributed to the fact that it was owned by Kanda's "father," or, well, his step-father. That aside, they had all the room they needed and more, and often Kanda felt as if he were drowning in the space; he'd managed to take up the far wall with his bed (a king-sized one) and his desk and a giant bookshelf spanned the wall adjacent to that. A door opposite the bookshelf, and on the same wall as the door leading out, led to the giant walk-in closet that was only partially filled with clothing and mainly taken up by another bookshelf. The remaining space was used as an area in which to practice his skills with the katana and with martial arts. The wall across from the bed had a door leading to an amazingly large bathroom that also connected with Lavi's room. A flat screen television (with surround sound) that Kanda rarely used was situated next to bathroom door, directly across from the bed.

After sitting in silence for another few minutes, Kanda sighed deeply and muttered some unintelligible words before looking up at Allen and stating quite clearly that the rabbit was going to die in the near future. Allen shrugged as he was wont to do and stated that he probably had it coming and Kanda had the right to do so—just not in accordance with the law. Cursing out the law, Kanda decided that it was high time he switched roommates before he broke the "fucking godforsaken law" by killing his current one.

Allen chuckled, "When do I move in?" Of course, he was joking around slightly, but he didn't want to see his red-haired companion sliced into little pieces either (well… most of the time) so it was mainly serious.

"Get the rabbit's stuff out of here and you can move in tomorrow or even today," Kanda said without preamble or any sort of remorse. He was only looking out for Lavi's safety, anyway, and his temper was getting shorter and shorter lately so it was probably safer for the rabbit to be somewhere else for the next few months (_stupid_ midterms).

After a cursory glance at the long-haired man sitting on the bed, Allen decided that stating the obvious would be beneficial to his cause: "You look exhausted. You didn't drink too much last night, did you?"

"I didn't drink a single thing; that was the stupid rabbit's department. I just feel fucking horrible." With a sigh he sat up and stretched, cracking his back in the process and making a slight noise of appreciation before reclining back on the bed.

Allen made a noise of neither agreement nor disagreement, a slight "Mm," before taking a good long look at the man in front of him. He hesitated slightly but then decided he might as well try: "…You look like you could do with a nice massage. Up for one?"

"…Yeah, that'd be nice." Rolling over, he presented the bean sprout with his back and relaxed completely, eyes closed and head to the side.

After a nice, long massage, Kanda was relaxed beyond belief and had his guard completely down as he simply lay there and basked in the feeling of his relieved muscles. He'd been stressed for so long his body hadn't known there was something other than stress itself. Thankfully with a little reconfigurement via very skilled fingers, he and his body were back on track and he was able to focus without having to resort through running a tired hand over his face or trying to stave off a headache by pinching his upper nose.

"So I can only assume that you didn't come here to merely offer your head up on a platter in exchange for Lavi's or to give me a massage…" he trailed off, glancing over to the white-haired bean sprout. For once, Allen looked serious and Kanda began to get a bad feeling about the visit.

"Well. Actually," he pulled a face, "I'm here on Cross' request. He said that he decided that he doesn't need me anymore and to find a different place to stay (ironic, yes)—which is now solved, thanks. Afterwards he said you and I have a mission to do. And then he gave me this," he said, holding out a folder.


	2. Animation

Purpose

Animation

_Fucking hell… Stupid people who fucking cannot draw should not be allowed anywhere near art supplies of any sort. Nor should they have any fucking access to pen(cil) and paper. Ever._

"Aww, Yuu-chan, you really shouldn't frown like that; your face will stick that way." Kanda was annoyed, his usual emotion of choice, but this time the annoyance was far more intense than it had any right to be. And the rabbit bouncing around somewhere near his left shoulder had the adverse effect of making it even worse.

"Shut the fuck up, rabbit," he snapped, swinging Mugen in an arc in Lavi's general direction and sending the papers surrounding him scattering in all different directions, "You're not the one who has to draw this picture thirty-six fucking times and then change it into this fucking abomination." Kanda growled. An unhappy Kanda, although fairly normal, meant a Kanda that wanted to spread that unhappiness, especially if it ended with either complete silence, getting what he wanted, or, preferably, both.

For as long as he'd known him—too fucking long in Kanda's opinion—Lavi had always been somewhat of an eccentric… and it affected literally everyone around him. When he called at one in the morning on a Tuesday night, it would be considered normal, especially when he answered Kanda's primary choice of answers when it came to the rabbit ("What the fuck do you want, rabbit?") with "Hey Yuu-chan!" ["Don't fucking _call_ me that."] "What are you up to? So the other day…" And then he would babble on and on about something Kanda would never know or care about. Normal. When he knocked on his apartment door at three in the morning on a Sunday night, waking Kanda who had just gone to bed and asking for food, it would be considered normal, especially since, like the bean sprout—Allen—he was always hungry. Of course, Kanda would then kick Lavi out, lock all doors and return to his room for more rest, but that was altogether a different story. Normal.

However, it was definitely not considered normal for the rabbit to bounce into his home Wednesday morning at 10 AM when he most definitely had history class and start trying to fucking bother him by offering to help. Lavi's drawing skills were more abominable than the abominator who created the abomination that his well-drawn picture had to turn into. No way was he ever in _hell_ going to "help." The sad thing was that he couldn't even tweak this fucking drawing, that's how much life sucked… fucking class. He'd drawn an easy figure, something he could easily draw thirty-six times, as was the requirement. The person—fucking _abominator_—had drawn (take a deep breath, deeeeep breath) a tree. Not one of those simple stick trees or whatever, not even one of those "pretty" trees (the ones that looked normal) but a… _thing_ that was fucking impossible to draw once not to mention thirty-fucking-six times.

"But Yuu-chan, you don't need to draw it _thirty-six_ times, just as many as it takes to change it into that one." With a glare, Kanda turned to the resident pain in his ass.

"Yeah," he ground out, "_thirty-fucking-six _times because I'm _not_ drawing this… this _thing_ more than I have to," another glare, "and don't fucking call me that, fucking rabbit." He grumbled again before coming up with a decent idea… one that would mean minimal tree drawing. With a glance at his pear-squash person, he smirked and began to plan.

...But not before making sure a certain rabbit would leave him well enough alone. "Now get the _fuck _out of my apartment before I make you regret having been raised to be as annoying as you are."

Lavi pouted, "That was uncalled for, Yuu-chan. Below the belt and all." With a final glare that just screamed do-I-look-like-I-give-a-shit, Kanda took a swipe at Lavi's head with Mugen before resuming his project.

"Fine! I see I'm not wanted here--["It only took you several years."] so I'll just leave then. See if you can finish without my beautiful drawing skills," Lavi stated dramatically before sniffing daintily and sticking his nose into the air, abruptly turning around and strolling from the room.

"Finally, some peace and quiet." He returned to his project, attention once more on the picture that he wanted to fucking _brutalize._ Then again, life was out to get Kanda. Hell, it might have been karma.

"...Kanda?" a beansprout-ish voice sounded from behind his now-closed door. "You there?"

With a sigh, Kanda placed his pictures down, accepting that he wouldn't get anything done that day, "What is it, bean sprout?"

A head popped in through the doorway. "Allen! My name is Allen. Two syllables: A-llen. Get it right, Bakanda."

"Fine, fine. Sure, sure. What the _fuck_ do you want, bean sprout?"

There was a pause. "...I see Lavi got to you first. Oh well. I guess I _shouldn't_ tell you that your house is on fire. It's probably not important to you in the long run since you don't really seem to care about material things and all."

Half a minute passed in silence. Kanda jumped out of his seat and raced to the door.

Allen burst out laughing, "You should have seen your _face_! Haha... that was the best thing ever. April Fools!"

All of a sudden, a rather pissed-off looking samurai turned toward a certain bean sprout, his glare sending large amounts of dangerous vibes through to Allen. If he had stopped to think, Allen might have realized that Kanda, whose patience was already running thin thanks to a certain rabbit, would not take to being made a fool of. A simmeringly angry Japanese samurai (wannabe, according Allen--_before_ Kanda got to him anyway) was not someone you wanted to joke around with. He'd probably gut you first then ask questions later.

Then Kanda had Mugen at a nervous-looking Allen's throat. Glowering, Kanda stood to his full height (almost a full head taller than the other male, he noted smugly before his mood did an emotional backflip back to angry) and stared down at the other man, clearly making him fidget before he finally gave in.

"Fine! Fine... you win. Sheathe Mugen and I'll do your stupid project for you. Jeez. You need to stop extorting people through violent means. At least try money once in a while--God knows you have enough of that." Both hands in the air, Allen made a peaceful gesture before turning to make his way further into the room.

Kanda had lowered his sword and was then waiting patiently by his stack of papers, "You do this half, I'll do the other. Here's the plan; at least make it seem probable."

After about a minute of grumbling, Allen conceded, "Aye, aye sir... but this is the most work you're getting out of me. And you totally owe me."

Rolling his eyes, Kanda set down to work. About an hour later, they were both finished and were looking through the work with critical eyes and fixing up problem areas.

"I swear to God, Kanda, if you don't get an A on this I'll strangle your teacher."

"Tch, whatever. Stupid bean sprout."

"Saying things like that makes you look like a hypocrite, Bakanda. You really should be more careful with your word choices. Oh and that favor? You. Me. Right now. _That_."

"Fucking hell, bean sprout. It's not even noon!"

"It's _Allen_, Bakanda, how many times do I have to tell you? And who cares? Now."

"Tch. Fine, but after this I'm sleeping for two straight days regardless of classes."

"I have no issues with that. I have class tomorrow and the day after, after all," Allen stated with a wicked grin.

Muttering something about selfish bean sprouts, Kanda made his way over to his bed, "Lock the door this time. Lavi meddles far too much for his own good."

"True... your room _is_ soundproofed right?"

Kanda threw back some sort of affirmative grunt.

"You're really eloquent today aren't you? Stop complaining. You like this as much as, if not more than, I do."

"Whatever. Get over here."

* * *

And that's that. Hope you enjoyed!

xylla- Thanks, I hope you'll continue reading these and leaving reviews!

waterlit- Thank you! Umm... I think I'll probably continue the first one in a little while, but for right now just consider it as a one-shot. I had a few ideas about that so we'll see how it goes. I'm going for an update a week, but I don't know how long I can keep that up. Thanks for reviewing!


	3. Cross that bridge when we get there

Purpose

Cross that bridge when we get there

_Fucking hell… How the fuck did I get involved in this, anyway? Fucking rabbit's fault and he had the _nerve_ to not even show the fuck up._

Somehow Kanda had gotten roped (quite literally; Lavi was a good kidnapper) into going hiking. With the fucking bean sprout. Although it was good exercise, somewhat like training (minus the use of Mugen) and the air was fresh, Kanda, as always was… well, Kanda. The bean sprout had likewise been kidna—er, taken from his nice warm bed and was in a similar mood. They had a silent agreement not to breach the silence with unnecessary words and, once they returned, to kill a certain red-haired rabbit. It was one of the few things that they had ever agreed upon. Another was the fact that it was fucking cold out and their coats (they were barely that!) were definitely not warm enough for their hiking "trip." Lavi was going down.

Speeding up his pace slightly, Kanda felt rather than heard the bean sprout do the same. Allen had the worst sense of direction in the _history_ of the world. Without Kanda, he would undoubtedly be wandering around for ages before eventually and accidentally stumbling upon some sort of cannibalistic society. It had happened before, Kanda mused smirking, and it would happen again. So the bean sprout hiked close behind him… almost too close. Every couple of steps Kanda would feel a foot tapping the back of his boots. Allen had originally apologized every single fucking time it had happened, but after ten foot tappings and eleven ongoing apologies—somehow he had managed to fit in an extra—Kanda had stopped abruptly, causing an extremely awkward run-in, turned snarling, and told him quite specifically to shut (the _fuck_) up. Allen couldn't quite figure out how he had managed to sound so clear with his teeth so tightly clamped together but shut up nonetheless.

Sleeping in the wilderness with the bean sprout was a new and quite unexpectedly difficult affair. It was something he wasn't planning on repeating anytime soon… or at least without a proper sort of shelter. When Kanda had pushed to move on instead of staying the night, Allen had dug in his heels insisting that they could get lost even further in the darkness (Kanda had been slightly mollified—they weren't _lost,_ damn it) and they ought to find somewhere to stop before the light fled. So they had done so... and of course the only decent kind of shelter they had managed to find was a small cave that was barely big enough to house both of them at the same time. When Kanda had decided for them both that he'd keep watch first, the bean sprout had snarled at him (actually _snarled_; Kanda hadn't thought it possible) and stated that if he didn't get his ass back in the cave, he'd do some unmentionable things to Mugen. As Kanda was obviously not keen to see his katana thrown over the side of a cliff then smashed to pieces, he'd snorted but given in.

So. The awkward position they were lying in couldn't have been normal. Hand it to Lavi to have picked the one place where there was a cave this small and set them somewhere in its vicinity. Because the space was so small and because it was _stupid _cold out—fucking _jackets_—they were pressed up against each other as they lay back to back, trying to keep their faces away from the walls in fear of some sort of rocky suffocation that would end with bits of stone inside their lungs. Death by cave wall didn't really appeal.

Back to back, they both realized something as they pressed their heads backward and into each other, trying desperately for air. It wasn't working. Neither of them could really get much air and the night was still young. Obviously a change of plans was in order. They turned around at the exact time only to notice that they were both thinking the exact same thing before staring at each other. A nod and they had switched to a more comfortable, more breathable position.

Holding Allen close in a manner that was reminiscent of how lovers held each other, they both managed to breathe in a lungful of extremely fresh air. Finally. Eventually, after having breathed that gloriously wonderful fresh not-rock-wall air, they realized something.

Kanda looked down as he felt breath hit his throat. Seeing a head of white right below his head first made him smirk (he was such a _bean sprout_) and then made him rethink their positions. The bean sprout really had a nice body and—. Trying to convince himself that they were only like this because there was no space… and damn was it cold, Kanda cut his thoughts off immediately; they were going into dangerous territory.

Allen, however, had no such thoughts. _Bakanda is so warm…_ was the only one he could drudge up and damn he didn't care.

Five minutes later and Kanda snapped. He was a healthy male, after all; he had hormones too, albeit odd ones that seemed to think that Allen with his white hair, awesome tattoo and strange bean-sprout-iness was hot. After almost having fallen asleep, Allen was rudely awakened as he was pushed into the ground.

"What is it?" he asked groggily as he looked up at Kanda who was hovering over him.

"Stupid bean sprout," was his only answer as he finally woke up enough to see that Kanda didn't seem to be in the right frame of mind, "Let's play a game."

"…A game?" Allen sounded suspicious.

"Yes, a… game," Kanda responded as he thrust down on an almost unsuspecting Allen, whose eyes had widened considerably before narrowing.

"Alright, I could do with such a… game."

A wicked smirk later and Lavi, the cold, the trip, everything was out of their minds.

…But he still would pay.

Three days later, Lavi had a four day stay at the local hospital after being in the emergency room for about seven hours.

* * *

So that's it! I hope you all enjoyed it… and as a side note I really do enjoy reading reviews *wink, wink—nudge, nudge* even if they're just to say "keep writing". I _do _prefer the ones that have some constructive criticism and/or have witty comments, but I'm not a picky person

waterlit—thanks for reviewing! (: I'm glad you're liking it so far. Umm… imo? And I actually don't think either Allen or Kanda can draw either, it just fit really well with the story so umm… yeah haha.


	4. That kid in class

Purpose

That kid in class

_Fucking hell… Why won't the day just end? If it was not fucking long enough, they could just add more hours to his sleep time for all he cared._

Religion classes were the bane of Kanda's very boring, very routine existence, he decided. Not only were they preference-based and extremely controversial, but people had to be _fucking stupid_ to actually take one (subtracting himself, of course; it was one of those "required" courses and his advisor had forced him to take it… fucking advisors). Sure they got to talk about all sorts of "fascinating" topics—the Inquisition and Roman Catholicism in the late 16th, early 17th century for one—but why couldn't there be a class called, oh something like: "fucking _killing_ that fucking kid in that fucking _class_" 101? He'd take that hands down. Hell, he'd probably _teach_ it. He had a feeling that it would actually be quite a popular course.

So there he was, sitting quietly in his seat and scowling at the wall as _that_ kid raised his hand for what had to be the seventy-fifth time that day—not that he was counting or anything. He had the most annoying voice, too—worse than the bean sprout's, or even the rabbit's. Hell, it sounded like something halfway between nasally nerd voice and "fucking _hell_ I think I'm going to shoot myself" and with a hint of nails on a chalkboard. Not that he would actually shoot himself. Kanda wasn't the suicidal type. Then again, if it got him away from Mr. Brownnoser over there… No, Kanda was not the suicidal type. Not at all. Not in the least bit. Of course not. With a thunk, he let his head drop to the table and cut back a groan of despair. _There was still an hour left._ A fucking hour. He glanced up at the board and then proceeded to stare out the window.

"Mr. Kanda," he heard his teacher's voice cut through his tranquility like Mugen slicing through something with the consistency of flesh that was oddly the same color as _that kid's_ skin, "Would you care to enlighten us about your thoughts, since they seem to be taking your attention more than this class?" _Fuck no. _With another bored glance at the chalkboard, Kanda easily took note of what they were talking about.

"Well, professor, I was just thinking that it could be that the Church is using the same questions to show that their viewpoint has changed on the issue. They may be asking the _same_ questions, but they are definitely not answering them the same way," Kanda concluded with a very bored, very pointed glance out the window again, before turning back to the professor.

"Yes, very interesting. That is a valid point of view." _And made up on the fucking spot, too._ Kanda's BS-ing skills were so good he sometimes impressed himself. Next to him, the bean sprout—who had also undoubtedly been forced into this tor... er, class—raised his hand to his mouth, hiding his smirk before faking a cough and bringing his hand under the table to give him knocks.

The minute class ended, Kanda was up, out of his seat and out the door with a particularly quick bean sprout at his heels. The teacher had no right to keep them overtime anyway, it was their money after all. In any case, this was their last class of the day and one of the three they actually shared. Lavi was in Kanda's other two classes.

Twenty minutes later found them happily munching on noodles, "happily" being the operative word. Kanda was simply relieved that he'd gotten out of that class with his sanity intact. It was getting harder to do with every class… thankfully there were _only_ five weeks left. At the thought, Kanda scowled angrily into his soba. He knew that his school was on some whacked-out quarter system (that really only had three mandatory "quarters") and he knew he was pretty lucky in only having classes for ten weeks at a time instead of the normal fifteen, but did something about him just scream unlucky? Was he fated to—

"Hey. If you're just gonna stare at your plate all day and not eat anything, I'll gladly eat it for you," a bean-sprouty voice interrupted his rhetorical, self-demeaning questions. Glaring over at the boy sitting next to him, he picked up his chopsticks wordlessly and began to eat.

"Stingy."

Ignoring everything around him, Kanda focused on eating his soba noodles as he sat there staring straight ahead at nothing.

"…what time is it?"

Allen jerked out of his reverie, disturbed by the voice of his companion. He'd recognized that Kanda had been in one of those moods ever since they'd left class and was alright with giving him some space; he hadn't expected the other to say anything for another hour or so, since he normally took "alone time" to a whole new level. He figured he'd interrupt his thoughts less than he usually did.

"Six."

There was a long pause as neither of them said anything and Kanda continued to eat his noodles almost robotically.

"…oh," he stated as he stood up, placing his share of the money on the table and turning to leave before pausing when he saw that Allen made no move to follow him, "Come."

Allen started from his place at the table, glancing up at the man that was waiting for him somewhat patiently before nodding once, placing his money on the table and following the other out. The journey home was silent as they both took their time, each lost in thought as they walked—but not so out of it so as to get hit by the rampant and rule-breaking bikers that never stopped at red lights. Fucking bikers. They made it safely to their shared apartment building and walked up the many flights of stairs, avoiding the elevator, more specifically the crappy elevator music.

At the door both of them moved to take out their keys before instantaneously freezing in unison and glancing at each other. Twin groans came from the two of them before they turned and sat on either side of the door, pondering what to do next.

"Bean sprout. Call a locksmith."

"Eh? Why me?"

In answer Kanda held up his phone and pressed all the buttons. Nothing happened.

"Well, you see…" Allen started out sheepishly, holding his phone in the air as well. The _one_ day either one of them forgot his key and to charge his phone.

Kanda snorted before resting his head against the wall with a thunk.

"Hey Kanda?"

Kanda grunted to show he was paying attention.

"You don't happen to have a bobby pin do you?"

"Why would I have something as stupid as that?"

"Err… your ha—umm nevermind. How about a paperclip?"

A long "hmm" was his answer as Kanda searched around in his school bag before triumphantly holding out a paperclip.

"Perfect." And Allen began to work on the lock. Half a minute later the door was open.

"Quite an accomplished thief you'll make someday."

"If I said something like that to you every time you cooked, you'd have my head." Before Kanda could process the comment, Allen had already made his way into the apartment and into his room, locking himself in the bathroom for a nice long shower. Half a minute later things weren't so calm.

"Bean sprout!" Kanda barged into the bathroom.

Allen looked confused: "I thought I locked that door… And my name is Allen. Two syllables: _A-llen_. How many times do I have to tell you?"

Kanda smirked, "You're not the only one who would make a good thief, bean sprout."

"No, it just takes you longer, Bakanda," Allen said in a sing-song voice. Kanda's smirk fell before reviving.

"Oh and what do we have here? Bean sprouts aren't supposed to shed their coverings in front of—"

"What? The big bad wolf?"

"—those who would eat them," Kanda continued, not minding the insert in the least bit.

Allen paled before backing up, pulling his towel tighter around his waist and walking slowly but surely back to his room. Unfortunately, the door was locked and in his current state he couldn't quite figure out where the doorknob was. That moment or two spent wrestling unsuccessfully with the door was all Kanda needed before he was on Allen.

"Let's take a shower, _Allen_." Hearing his name drawn out like that in Kanda's (admittedly sexy) voice was all it took to melt the boy and he became pliant.

Kanda smirked and pulled his bean sprout into the shower, which was large and glass and wonderfully relaxing. Three hours later, Kanda's bad day was evaporating and, as the two lay in bed, he basked in the silence as the warm body next to his curled up even closer in its sleep. Oh, yes. Today hadn't nearly been so bad.

But that kid in that class still needed to fucking die.

* * *

Er… sorry this is a little late. A lot has happened recently. *swirly eyes* Also, I have nothing against religion classes lol or really anything that Kanda ever gripes about.

**waterlit**- I'm glad you liked it! Sorry for the wait… and thanks for reviewing!


	5. Psychological Purpose

Purpose

Psychological Purpose

"Another top-secret mission? Didn't we just get back from one last week?" But Kanda took the folder faithfully and began looking through it. There was a long pause, "…Did you look at this?" Kanda refused to even look at the other man, simply staring down at the information as though it were a lifeline.

Allen remained silent, staring off at the wall as though no, Kanda hadn't asked him a question and yes, he had all the time in the world. Unfortunately neither was true.

"Did you look at this?" Kanda repeated, finally looking up at Allen and staring at him. Silence reigned for a short time before Kanda spoke again, his voice quiet and almost deadly, eyes narrowing dangerously, "Did. You. Look. At. This?"

Allen looked down, "Yes."

"…You're crazy. You know that?"

"Pot. Kettle. Black. I don't want to hear it from you, Bakanda." He sounded tired, as though he had traversed the world and seen everything in it… and was already weary of it.

"Fuck, but you're batshit crazy. You have to be. There's no other explanation."

There was a long pause before Allen replied and when he did it was quiet, almost a whisper—yet it reverberated through the room. "I had no choice."

"…That bastard. I'll kill him." Standing up to do just so put them in rather close contact with each other, which was unusual but not excessively strange. When they went on their missions, they were often close together whether… well, whether defending themselves or otherwise. Missions were dangerous and had high risks; it was sink or swim. The pressure was enormous and adding school and homework to the equation only made it worse. Cross was Allen's guardian and Allen Walker was not yet 18; he had to follow anything his foster "father" told him to do. If it included a "batshit crazy" mission, then so be it. Allen had little choice: follow or be discarded.

Allen shook his head slowly. "It isn't worth it, Kanda, let it go. I'm almost 18, I'm almost legal."

"No good to you if you're already dead, is it?"

There was another pause. "…It's fine. I won't die from something like this. I'll survive. Or if not, I'll haunt Cross for the rest of his life and then in his death too," he cracked a smile, hoping to appeal to an inside joke they shared about Cross and his amazing good luck, "Maybe he'll start feeling the brunt of karma if there's someone there to make sure it happens."

Kanda did not laugh. He took one last look at the folder lying on his bed where he'd dropped it, glanced at the bean sprout and then sighed as though the world were ending and he had the _enjoyable_ job of cleaning up after it.

"Alright, we leave tomorrow. First we take care of moving you in. I'll even help out."

"Why, Kanda, how kind of you to do so."

"Don't get all sarcastic on me, _bean sprout_, you'll be doing the heavy lifting."

"Jerk."

"Yeah, yeah. Move."

The folder remained discarded but not forgotten on Kanda's bed for nigh on an hour before Kanda realized he'd left it out in the open. Top-secret meant top-secret and that meant that even Lavi was not allowed to look into its contents. Returning to his room, he made sure to lock it up securely in his safe place and then went off to help the bean sprout carry a heavy box out of the other room. Two hours later found them completely finished with the moving out process and waiting on a very late rabbit. Lavi had still not returned so Allen had instead called him and let him know they were switching places. Although first complaining, after thinking it through and remembering that same morning, Lavi reached the conclusion that it was far safer for his body, soul and sanity for him to not have a homicidal, scary roommate that was willing to sever his (rather good-looking) head from its shoulders and conceded, saying he'd pick up his stuff sometime in the next hour and a half.

Three hours later, exactly double the estimated time, the rabbit finally showed. Kanda was not in a particularly good mood.

"You're late, rabbit," he snapped, sending the other scurrying to gather his things as Kanda reclined on the couch watching. Being the polite, ever-helpful person he was Allen helped Lavi carry his things down to his car where it was waiting on the curb.

"Yuu-chan's in a real tizzy, isn't he? What crawled up his ass and died today, I wonder?" Allen chuckled at the rather disturbing image his friend's words invoked in his mind.

"I'm sure he just isn't feeling well. Don't worry about it."

Lavi grumbled, "Well I'd wish him better but I'm sure he acts exactly the same, if not more irritably, on a daily feeling-well basis."

"In a way, I can see that; in another, not so much. But, well, whatever. This is the last of the boxes right? Sorry to displace you so easily, I figured you needed a break from a homicidal Japanese samurai that wanted to cut your head off your shoulders and brutalize your corpse afterward."

"It's disturbing how you can something like that with such a large, innocent smile on your face. But umm… thanks for the thought. I think?"

"You're very welcome. Do you have any place to stay, by the way, or am I just making you become a homeless man who has to subsist off of others' money—very little as it may be?"

"It's _really_ disturbing how you can say that with a smile on your face, first of all. And yeah, I was just finalizing some plans about that. Seems grandpa panda has an apartment I can rent for a while. It looked really nice so I'm kinda happy for that. I can have my furniture too right?"

"Uh, yeah. Let's go get that now then."

After another hour of lugging down the furniture and getting a very irritable, very uncooperative swordsman to help, they had finally managed to fit everything into the truck that Lavi had driven here. There hadn't been that much, but still it was surprising that everything fit in one go. But since none of the three were the kind to sweat the small stuff, Allen and Kanda saw Lavi off with a grin and a scowl respectively and then made the short trip over to Allen's (well, Cross's) house to collect his stuff, furniture included.

When everything was placed where Allen wanted it, he looked around and grimaced. "I never thought I'd say this, but this room is way too big. And the closet can fit my old bedroom in it probably. The bathroom is nice though."

"Yeah, that man really thinks that I'm some sort of packrat or something. Tch."

Allen chuckled. "I can see that, he's definitely that type of person. Er well, it's late, so I'll… see you tomorrow? You have to pack right?"

There was a pause. "…Are you sure about this, Allen?" Kanda was serious—he had yet to call him bean sprout, hadn't done so in a few hours.

"Yeah, there's no choice. It's ok. I'll survive, just watch."

Kanda gave him a cursory glance before nodding then walking through the bathroom to his own room. It was a nice little shortcut. When he was finished packing his meager bag, he walked back to what was now Allen's room, finding the other man still packing his things. Sitting down on the other's bed without permission he watched as everything necessary and nothing else was placed inside the open bag near him, choosing to remain silent. The mood was somber once Allen had finished.

"So," Allen broke the silence eloquently.

Kanda simply looked at him before sighing, "Alright. I guess it's time to debrief the mission, see if it'll work out with the two of us." After a quick return trip to his room to grab the documents, Kanda began anew, "Tomorrow at 6… AM, mind you, we will be ready to leave. We'll take the train, since neither of us has a car anyway, to—" there was a small break as Kanda realized they were being listened in on and specifically by _who_, "the countryside? How stupid. Anyway, we'll take the train to the countryside and have our vacation there I guess. You're guardian's an idiot if he thinks we'll actually enjoy a week long vacation in the middle of nowhere. And _me_ with a bean sprout like you…? Pft. Vacation my ass, it's more like babysitting."

Catching on to the "slight" nuance in Kanda's speech, Allen immediately understood. They'd done this mission thing long enough for him to realize when Kanda was worried they'd be overheard or not. And obviously they couldn't quite get out of this one because it was probably Lavi standing with an ear to the door.

"Yeah, sounds _peachy_. Cross can be weird sometimes," he grimaced, "I think half the time he's on something." Kanda gave him a look before standing up and stretching, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the hallway, pointing at his ear and then moving towards the door.

"Well, I'll head off to bed now I guess. Don't know why our vacation has to start at 6 AM and all but well… fuck it all, it's better than going to class," he said while opening the door.

Lavi fell into the room. There was a momentary pause filled in with one red-haired rabbit's nervous laughter.

"…Lavi?" Allen started skeptically, "What are you doing falling into my room at one in the morning?" Apparently acting natural was what Allen was all about—then again, he did at one point have to pay off all of Cross' debts, acting must've been something he just picked up.

"A…haha, you know it's kind of a funny story. But uh… I could have sworn I left something behind earlier and it seemed kinda important but now I'm not… quite… uh… sure… Umm… I'll just be leaving now. Buh-bye!" Kanda was not a happy camper (never would be fond of camping but that was another story altogether). Before the rabbit could make his rushed escape, before anyone could so much as twitch a muscle really, he had grabbed onto Lavi's wrist and held him in place. An audible gulp was heard.

"Fucking _rabbit_… one AM was a decent time for you to come back for something?" Lavi cowered, remembering the previous morning and cringing from the glare that was sent his way.

"I'm… umm… sorry? I fell asleep and then woke up remembering that I really needed this um… thing and uh… I didn't happen by a clock until I got here and then I thought I'd uh sneak in and see if I could get it without um… waking you guys up and—"

"Rabbit," Kanda cut him off, "Shut _up_." All was quiet.

Lavi gulped again, even more audibly as Allen looked on in contemplative silence.

"Now then. You have twenty seconds to tell me _exactly_ the reason you are here."

The room was silent. Kanda twitched.

"Starting right now."

"—" He mumbled something rapidly and without much gusto.

Kanda twitched again. "You have three seconds to begin that slowly."

Lavi took a deep breath, "Well, old man panda told me to get this thing for him but I only just remembered that I didn't actually have it anymore, I guess I left it here and that was a real big problem because he only just told me and I figured you guys were both asleep so I was gonna sneak in real quick, get in get out, you know? And… well, you guys obviously aren't asleep. And uh… Kanda what _are_ you doing in the bean sprout's room at one in the morning?" He finished this all off with a sort of socially-awkward smile that would get him absolutely nowhere but was probably better than nothing.

"That and this are totally different situations. Get it and get out. I'm watching you, fucking rabbit." Lavi sighed, relieved. "But don't think you're getting away with this. As soon as I can drudge up enough energy to give you a good ass-kicking, I will. You have just about minute until that happens. Hurry the fuck up."

Lavi squeaked and ran into the room, searching through the closet before coming out half a minute later victoriously holding a piece of paper into the air. Before he could make it out the door and into the safety of the outside world—a place in which his death would certainly be noticed… well ok possibly—Allen stopped him: "What is that? Can I see?"

With a murderous samurai in the background that had _courteously_ given him an extra minute and a half to make his exit, Lavi nervously passed the piece of paper over to his shorter companion, glancing over his shoulder half a dozen times before backing up to a wall and making sure to keep Kanda within his sights.

"Oh, it's one of these. I can see why Bookman wanted it. This would be important for his job. Now, you'd best be heading home, it's nighttime and all," he stated enthusiastically before turning away from Kanda and mouthing, 'Hurry up, his fuse is short today.'

"Y-Yeah. I'll be heading off then. Sorry for the intrusion." And then he was gone, closing the front door quietly behind him.

They waited until once again his footsteps were out of the range of hearing, "Do you think he heard it?"

Kanda hesitated before looking over at Allen, "Not all of it. He wasn't there when we started. You know when I felt his presence."

"Yeah… well that certainly shook up something that shouldn't have been moved."

"Tch. Stupid meddling rabbits are far too troublesome for their own good."

Allen chuckled in agreement before they realized that it was one in the morning and they were simply standing there chatting as if they did not have to get up in less than five hours.

"You know, Bakanda, for once I'm not too keen on the idea of sleeping. Lately…" he trailed off, staring out through the window at the myriad stars surrounding the large, almost full moon.

"…Not sleeping well?" Lately, they had become something like guidance counselors for each other, most likely the result of far too many consecutive missions on which they were sent together.

There was a long pause.

"No," Allen's eyes were hollow and unseeing and the expression on his face was eerily disquieting, sending a sharp shiver up Kanda's spine and setting all the hair on his neck on end, "No."

"Lately…?" Kanda began, hopeful that it was all his imagination.

Allen looked him straight in the eyes, "Nightmares," he squeezed his eyes shut, "The nightmares. God, they're horrible. It's always the same thing… They keep coming back." When he opened his eyes again they were haunted and weary, exhausted. "_They won't leave me alone._"

* * *

A little continuation of Social Purpose. There's probably more to come, so look forward to them! They'll all be labeled _ Purpose, so you'll definitely know. It's just too much to leave hanging, right? I feel like making it its own story.

In other news, I'm back on my once-a-week update schedule even though I definitely have finals tomorrow and have just barely started my final ten-page paper that's due on Wednesday. Good times!

Hope you enjoyed!

waterlit- Thanks for reviewing!


	6. No

Purpose

No.

_Fucking hell… why did he always get himself into these situations? This time it wasn't even the rabbit's fucking fault—well directly, anyway._

"C'mon Yuu-chan, it'll be fun!" Lavi was hanging off his arm just about as much as he was hanging off the few replies he got. And he was making it fucking difficult to actually say yes… 'It'll be fun…' pft. The last time he'd said that Kanda had woken up on the edge of a cliff wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. The_ bean sprout's_ boxers.

"No." Kanda was in a very normal, only slightly unhappy mood and had been content in the normality all day. He didn't want to spoil this rare good day by associating with a red-haired, one-eyed rabbit.

"Please? Lenalee'll be there!" Lavi tried again. Lenalee was like a younger sister to Kanda and he always figured that he'd be the one to protect her from all the bad things that happened in life, but they were both a little too old for that anymore.

"Why should I care? No." Lavi looked slightly put out for a moment before he brightened and tried again.

"The music'll be great and you can even dance with Allen!" he said, completely guessing at their relationship—it was the one thing in life that he _couldn't_ figure out.

"Why the _fuck_ would I want to dance with the bean sprout of all people? No, rabbit. Go away." Lavi slouched away eventually after a good thirty rebuttals and went to do god-only-knows-what it was that rabbits did when they weren't bothering Kanda. Thankful for the silence, Kanda began to meditate. He did this everyday for about one and a half to two hours. It was good for refreshing his mood. He certainly needed it after all that.

It had started out as a normal day. A normal no-annoying-rabbit day. The bean sprout had barricaded himself in his room, announcing that he had to pull several all-nighters to finish up his essay—or something. Kanda had been done with his classes as soon as last week since he never bothered to study and did not happen to have any final papers to agonize over. It had been a week filled to the brim with videogames and season marathons of his favorite shows, or at least the ones he hadn't gotten around to watching. He had five finals the next day but wasn't particularly worried about any of them since the classes were legitimately easier than those he had had in high school. (He never did get the curriculum during those four years. "College is SO much more difficult than you think it is" was about as valid as the "High school is SO much more difficult than you think it is" in middle school and just as justifiable as a flock of flying pigs.)

Anyway. It was a Sunday—a day that Kanda was quickly coming to _epically_ dislike—and he had woken up refreshed from just the right amount of sleep. He'd gone about his normal morning routine and had finally settled in his bed after grabbing a quick bite to eat (waffles) and making sure the bean sprout wasn't dead ("I said don't _bother _me, Bakanda. Jesus Christ, do you not know _English_?"). Somewhere in between that he'd managed to have a phone conversation with _that man_—damn it, Tiedoll _wasn't_ his father—and mentally organize his day.

Halfway through the second season of House, Kanda had gotten up to grab lunch and go to the bathroom before sneaking a peek into the bean sprout's room to reconfirm that he was still among the living (essays should have been the number one cause of death for college students!), only to find an adorable bean sprout slumping over the keyboard of his laptop, _asleep_. He'd tiptoed his way into the room, glad that Allen was a heavy sleeper (apart from missions, anyway) and laid him out on the bed before glancing at the screen where Microsoft Word was open to the 17th page of a document labeled "The History of Bottled Water." Seeing as it was the references cited page Kanda let the other boy rest and made his way through the essay, proofreading and jotting down quick critiques on a nearby blank sheet of paper. After a good half an hour Kanda had finished his task and saved the document before placing the computer neatly on the bedside table and tucking the other boy in. Man, he really felt like a mother.

Placing a soft kiss on the other's forehead (and thus cementing the image of him as a parent, more specifically a mother), he was about to make his way out of the room when he heard mumblings. Kanda hadn't been aware that the bean sprout talked in his sleep, but he found it oddly amusing. Especially since whatever Allen was talking about had to do with him.

"Mmm… Kanda…" Kanda raised an eyebrow, just what kind of dream was this bean sprout having anyway? "Teriyaki chicken… mitarashi dango… mmm." Sweatdropping, Kanda sighed and decided that as much sleep as Allen needed, he most likely should turn his essay in pretty soon. Or something like that. With that in mind, he began the arduous task of waking the kid up.

Thirteen rough shakes and a threat to pour water over his head didn't seem to phase the other man so Kanda went with the next best thing: "Oi. Bean sprout. Mitarashi dango."

As expected, Allen shot up from bed, grasping at the air and looking around for his meal. Finding nothing except a smirking samurai, he pouted and heaved a huge yawn before freezing and realizing that he had fallen asleep—and that was _bad_.

"Oh no, my essa—"

"I proofread it for you and added some things you might have missed. Critique's on the side," he added, pointing at the sheet of paper.

Allen looked at him skeptically, "Pardon my French, but you don't know _shit_ about bottled water other than you can drink purified water from plastic bottles. How in the hell did you manage to finish my essay for me?"

"For a tired person that should be grateful, you sound a little too awake and ungrateful."

"That was so not an answer, Bakanda."

"Che. Suffice it to say, I'm good at what I do."

The bean sprout still looked suspicious, but bought it for the time being as he scanned through the paper and found that Kanda had been telling the truth. Looking up, the bean sprout smiled at him, thankful for the effort put into the proofread and began the process of sending it in to his teacher. It was due the next day, but it was better to have it out of the way as soon as he could—after all, he had finals then too and he didn't want to have to try to fit in essay-writing in between them.

"Thanks! Now I can sleep a little bit longer," he said once he was finished, yawning hugely. Kanda's eyes widened; that had to have been the cutest thing he had seen in _years_. Before he could jump the poor exhausted bean sprout, he found his legs moving mechanically toward the door.

"You get some sleep. I'll be in the other room, don't bother me if it isn't something serious." A noncommittal grunt was his only answer. By the time he had opened the door and turned to close it on his way out, the bean sprout was already asleep.

Two hours later a very chipper, very annoying rabbit had waltzed into his room (_literally_; Kanda didn't quite know what was wrong with him), him to go to a party with him—or something like that. A rave, maybe? Any way he saw it Kanda was sure that it would not be as _fun_ as Lavi made it seem… unless the rabbit's definition of fun happened to include copious amounts of "dancing" torture and music played at agonizing, ear-drum-breaking volumes.

After another three hours of sleep, the bean sprout ambled into his room, sleep-rumpled and rubbing his eyes as he asked him what time it was. When he found out that he'd only been asleep for five hours, he almost groaned and went straight back to bed before something caught his eye. It was the brochure the rabbit had left behind for that club rave party… thing.

So, several hours and a lot of persuading later, Kanda found himself standing in line with an extremely eager-looking rabbit and an equally enthusiastic bean sprout wearing black leather pants, a dark blue dress shirt and a silver cross necklace, and waiting to be let into The Dark Side, the new rave club (…THING!) in town.

…Damn you, Lavi! Fucking rabbit just had to have the last word. Or paper. Or whatever.

Getting the bean sprout to convince him was low, even for the rabbit. There had to be some… underlying… reason. What the fuck was this?

Kanda glared at Lavi who waved his hands in the air in a keep-the-peace gesture before glancing nervously to the side.

"_Rabbit_," Kanda stated menacingly, "What the _fuck_ is this about?"

Twenty seconds later: "You said Lenalee'd be here too, didn't you?"

"Oh, Yuu-chan! You remembered!"

"Shut up. You were lying weren't you? _What_ the _fuck_ are we _doing_ here?"

Lavi flinched, "Umm… welcome to The Dark Side, we have er… cockies?"

"Why the _fuck_ are we in a gay bar?"

* * *

Sorry… just had to! This is one of those what-if situations that would never come true. FYI They've all got fake IDs that are specially made by the corporation they work for, i.e. the one for which they do their missions.

If you haven't already noticed, most/all of these fics are connected by the same general universe in which they're all at college working mission side-jobs. So it's like… ¾ AU and ¼ legit.

Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading! I'd be really appreciative to know if these are ok or not… I'm not a mind-reader, people, so I could do with some reviews, even if they just say "Good job" or something.

waterlit- Lavi's always been amusing haha, I just made him jumpier. Goin' for once a week updates. Thanks for reviewing!


	7. The car ride from hell

Purpose

The car ride from hell

_Fucking hell… Kanda wanted to die. Not in the "oh, my life is so horribly miserable and people are horrible, we should all die… let's die together" way. No _way_ was Kanda emo. But still Kanda wanted to die. In the "well damn it this rabbit is fucking annoying, can't he ever shut up" way. It was always that fucking rabbit's fault… even when it distinctly _wasn't_. He had yet to figure out how that worked, but this time the annoyance in human-rabbit form was a little too much to deal with._

"Do ya know any fun campfire songs, Yuu-chan?" Nothing ever changed. "Ne, ne, Yuu-chan~" Nothing ever _changed_. "How about this one? 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer…" Nothing ever _fucking_ changed. Kanda didn't quite know why the rabbit liked to sing so much. Nor did he know why he chose that moment to sing. They weren't even around a fucking campfire! Lavi had decided and vehemently defended "their" right to skip classes in order to go on a road trip to god-knows where for god-knows how long to do god-knows what. Kanda suspected (quite openly, in fact) that the teachers only let them go so that the fucking rabbit bouncing in the seat next to him would shut up. It wasn't anything new. Lavi's big mouth often got him out of things he didn't want to do and into things he deemed "fun." Kanda's glares, threats and overall bad moods worked far better but he ultimately had different views on what was "fun" or not, to Lavi's chagrin. This _trip_ did not fall under that category.

"Lavi?" A voice questioned from the backseat, "Where exactly are we going?" The bean sprout had also been dragged into this fiasco-nothing new really-and had spent the better part of the last hour and a half trying to get a singing rabbit to tell them their destination. Needless to say, it hadn't worked so far and it probably would not work in the future, or anytime before the next apocalypse.

"It's a secret~" he sang before returning to the metaphorical bottles of beer on the proverbial wall. He was down to 50, Kanda noted vaguely before turning his attention once more to the road. Lavi didn't have his license yet. Kanda had a sneaking suspicion (one which grew daily) that it had less to do with the difficulty of the process-_nothing_ was difficult for the rabbit, with the exception of not getting on Kanda's nerves-and more to do with the opportunity of pestering him to no end on their daily commute to class. Kanda's "father"-_damn_ the man to the lowest circle of Dante's frozen level of hell-had become fast friends with Lavi's grandfather (_somehow_) and had insisted that Kanda drive the annoying rabbit to and from class every day. Every. Fucking. Day. Kanda had grudgingly agreed when faced with the option of being Mugen-less for the rest of his high school career. He couldn't let Mugen be left all alone for two and a half years!

So Kanda had gotten roped into coming along on this ridiculous trip-if only because he could drive. Kanda had never regretted anything in his life as strongly as he did getting his license. Well, he corrected himself mentally, it was better than being driven around by that bastard "father" of his who fucking _insisted_ on calling him his son, 'Yuu-kun,' and, thinking clearly, he probably would have been roped into going on the trip anyway-Lavi seriously had his ways, after all.

"Ne, Yuu-chan," a voice broke through his thoughts, "You aren't paying attention. I said 'turn left' so you're supposed to turn left." Come to think of it, Kanda thought, glaring, there was another idiot that needed to pay for calling him by his given name. _No one_ called him that.

"Che stop fucking calling me that." But he turned the steering wheel to the left, cutting off four cars and getting three honks and a finger in return, wheels screeching on the road as he made the turn so sharply that it became almost a drift. A loud thump and half of a swear word came from the general direction of the backseat followed by a long groan signaling that the bean sprout, despite having been warned to wear his seat belt before the car ride had decided not to… and his face had made an intimate acquaintance with the rear car door's window. Kanda pulled a disgruntled face and made a mental note to clean that window with generous amounts of Windex. Windex made everything better, after all.

Pulling over to the side of the road, and coincidentally a gas station, Kanda put the car in park and turned to look the rabbit in the eye.

"Ok, rabbit. I'm not driving any farther until you tell me where the fuck we're going." Out of the corner of his eye, Kanda could see that the bean sprout had pried his face away from the window and was rubbing it, looking nauseous and slightly thankful for the stop.

"Aww… but Yuu-chan~" In three seconds flat Lavi found that his life, his 20 years of beautiful life, was a split second away from its death-either by the sword placed almost delicately over his heart or by the hand wrapped threateningly around his throat. The latter was a surprise; to his knowledge he hadn't done anything to piss off the bean sprout recently. The fact that it was his right hand was the only thing that was slightly relieving. If it had been that frightening left hand of his, Lavi knew that he'd no longer be alive and well. Maybe not even alive and unwell.

"Eh…heh…heh… well, you know, I kind of figured it might be a nice surprise and all. If we went to the beach. I even reserved a room in a rather nice hotel. You should be thanking me, not trying to kill me. It's better than going to class right? …Right?"

Kanda and Allen stared at him blankly before returning to their former positions in the front and back seats respectively and glancing at each other.

"Umm… you know, Lavi. It's kind of the middle of winter."

"Yeah, that's right, fucking rabbit. Why would we want to go the fucking beach in the middle of the fucking winter?"

A nervous laugh sounded from the passenger seat. "Well, uh, you see… the beach that we're going to… isn't that close by. So it should be pretty warm when we get there."

There was a long pause. "Isn't that close by…"

"Pretty warm…"

"You, Lavi, you couldn't possibly be thinking…"

"You're not seriously taking us to California or Florida are you, you stupid rabbit?"

"I was thinking North Carolina," Lavi mumbled dejectedly.

"…_What_ was that?" Kanda's voice had an edge to it that couldn't be ignored, an edge that was bolstered by the slow drawing of Mugen.

"Eh…heh… Umm… I was actually thinking… North Carolina?" The look on Kanda's face was enough for Lavi to worry for his life. Closing his eyes and bracing for the worst, he huddled in on himself in the passenger seat, waiting for the 'final blow.' Nothing happened. Lavi pried an eye open to glance at the other man before realizing that all he could see was the inside of an eye patch which was decidedly _unhelpful_, so he opened his other eye instead and found a rather stone-faced samurai wannabe (the mini samurai wannabe within his mind gained a menacing aura and slow but surely hacked mini rabbit junior to pieces-shaking his head, Lavi decided he needed to stop watching horror movies… and reading shoujo manga) staring straight at him with a face that looked strangely familiar. Now where had he seen it before? Stopping to ponder and go through his memories, Lavi zoned out of the situation.

Bad idea.

The moment he remembered was the moment that a blade mysteriously made its way to his throat. It wouldn't have been as worrisome had it not been placed precariously on both his windpipe and a major vein. It would have been decidedly funny if the sword was fake. It would have been better if the bean sprout in the back seat would help out like he did the last time.

A cricket croaked somewhere outside the car. A tumbleweed passed by the deserted road. A loud shriek came from the direction of the gas station and a man came running out on fire, running around in circles before promptly stopping, dropping and rolling straight into a puddle of gasoline. The idiot. The three in the car paused what they were doing to watch before returning to what they had been doing when the idiot stopped moving. Ah well, he probably wasn't dead yet. Probably. Another man ran out of the gas station carrying a bucket of what appeared to be water and threw it on top of the man. The flames went out and everyone (there were people there again?) breathed a sigh of relief. The teenagers in the car had stopped paying attention earlier on and were not in on the action.

"Anyway, you're not getting out of this one. We already miss enough class as it is, fucking _rabbit_, so _no_, it isn't better than going to class-" a loud keening noise broke through his words, but he simply continued to talk, "and _no_ this trip is _not_ fun. Take into account others' thoughts for once, will you?"

There was a pause as both the bean sprout and the rabbit stared at him before another loud bang sounded from the gas station. Suddenly pissed, Kanda turned around, opened his window and yelled out several insults punctuated by much swearing and a threat that if they didn't cut out "whatever the _fuck_ they were doing" Kanda would make sure that their entrails became _slow_ friends with the fire now exploding out from the gasoline pump. Satisfied he closed the window once again before turning and staring at Lavi once more. In the background, the gas station exploded outward, spurting flaming balls of death in all directions-somehow missing the car they were in completely-and people ran away haphazardly, trying to avoid the fiery death; some were luckier than others. In the distance a police siren rang out.

"Great," Kanda muttered, restarting the car, "We can't be caught here. We're supposed to be in school not driving to fucking North Carolina. Let's go."

There was another silence in the car as Lavi and Allen stared out the window past Kanda's head and at the still extraordinary explosions occurring right outside. The Japanese man made a noise that sounded like a cross between a "che" and a snort before putting the car in drive and hightailing it out of there.

Ten minutes later, when he was sure there were no cops on their tail-though why there would be any is a mystery in and of itself-Kanda pulled over once again, this time by a fast food store. There was less chance of it exploding, he reasoned.

"Are we clear? A not-fun trip conducted at a not-fun time and altogether _not fun_. Also, you're doing my homework for a month as soon as we get back. I'll make sure you don't get any missions." With a sneer, Kanda turned to the backseat where Allen was sitting almost in a daze, "You owe the bean sprout some homework as well. We'll say… two weeks worth."

The bean sprout nodded in agreement before opening the window slowly and taking in a few deep breaths of fresh air; "Say, since we're here, can we get something to eat? I'm ravenous."

Previous conversation almost forgotten, Kanda sighed and they went through the drive-thru, disgusting and surprising the employees with the sheer amount of food they ordered. Granted most of it was for the bean sprout, but that was a different story.

Afterward, as they sat in the parking lot watching the bean sprout inhale-ahem, eat-his food, Kanda glanced over at a desolate rabbit and sighed deeply, "Since we've already missed some class, it doesn't really matter anymore-might as well go. Here; hand me the map."

There was another long pause. "…Map?" Lavi suddenly looked nervous again as he fidgeted in his seat and glanced around warily.

Something snapped in Kanda again, "Don't tell me you don't have a map." It wasn't a question and neither was it a statement really. It was one of those rhetorical non-questions that Kanda had a habit of saying whenever he was angry, approaching boiling point.

"Eh…heh…heh…" the rabbit scratched the back of his head sheepishly, "guess I must have left it at home?"

The predicted explosion occurred, this time within the confines of the car and suddenly the passenger side door popped open and a white figure with two floppy ears on top of its head ran for its life as another figure dressed all in blue ran after it wielding a sword and screaming threats and insults, mixed in with a fair share of swears.

In the car, the bean sprout sat calmly watching the scenario as he munched on a rather unhealthy-looking hamburger and fries and sipping an extra-large soda, "Note to self: carry popcorn around for these situations." He continued to munch on his chosen foods as the rabbit and the samurai played a game of lethal tag before disappearing off into the distance.

Allen blinked owlishly: "Umm…" There was, predictably, no response. "…oooooooooooi…"

A cricket chirped outside. A tumbleweed passed by. There was a commotion within the fast food place they were stopped near and a man stumbled out the doors-clearly drunk-before collapsing a good five feet away from the entrance. Suddenly a group of large and rather frightening men wearing black suits walked out, following the drunk man; they dusted their hands off before cracking their knuckles and glaring menacingly. The man on the ground looked as terrified as Lavi probably felt at the moment before staggering to his feet and hurriedly swaying his way in the opposite direction. Sirens rang out as the police made their way there.

Allen groaned. He wasn't sure why there were bouncers in a fast food restaurant, but he wasn't about to go ask or anything. And why did the police always have to show up?

Predictably, as soon as the sirens started to wail, both Kanda and Lavi, the latter looking a little worse for the wear, sprinted back into view and into the car. Again, Kanda began to curse under his breath, saying something about trouble-magnets and fucking rabbits, before starting the car and driving away.

The remainder of the trip, all 13 or so hours, went about the same way and the three found themselves witness to the strangest of accidents, occurrences and crimes. Not the least of which was a boy who, after backflipping onto the roof (an impossible feat altogether), was sitting there, too afraid to climb down, and waiting for the firemen to rescue him. Although, because of Kanda's superb driving skills, they were never even once caught by the police.

By the time they arrived in North Carolina, they were already exhausted and made their way to the hotel-only to realize there was only _one room_ available and they had to share it. It wouldn't have been too bad if the room had two single beds and a couch, as most rooms did, but it had to have only one double bed. After an intense round of rock, paper, scissors, Kanda and Allen came out the victors and Lavi took his place on the floor, seeing as there was no couch.

Grinning triumphantly, the two looked at each other before glancing at the bed and doing a double-take. Twin groans rang out in the room. Similarly, two evil glares were directed at a cowering rabbit.

A maniacal "Laaaaaaaaviiiiiiiiiiii" rang out in unison with a deadly sounding "Rabbit," and the frightened bunny rabbit found himself running away once again, this time all the way to the airport and on the fastest flight back home. That was how Allen and Kanda found themselves stuck in a hotel room with one double bed for several days-all expenses paid, courtesy of a terrified rabbit. Needless to say they enjoyed it; as soon as the rabbit had gone, all pretenses dropped and they no longer complained about having to share a bed. In fact, they weren't seen outside of their room for a good day and a half.

* * *

Apologies for the lateness of this chapter. I got a new laptop and it doesn't have Microsoft Word (which is a total pain) and for some reason won't read my Microsoft Word documents. I've been tinkering with it for a while, but still no cigar. Eventually I ended up just retyping it.

To make up for it, I made it longer. Enjoy!

waterlit- haha thanks, I try. Sarcasm actually comes a lot easier than humor does for me, but I like to think there are times when sarcasm can be humor and that helps me along. Lately I've been a little restless and writing hasn't been my forte, but hopefully this will make up for all the time since the last update. Sorry for the wait!


	8. Black & White

Purpose

Black & White

_Fucking hell… The rabbit had seriously gone too far. He _would _pay. Definitely. This time for sure. There was no getting out of this one._

With a smirk that was pure Kanda, the long-haired man made his way over to his closet. Today was going to be a good day, just like the previous few days had been. The rabbit had been gone on vacation for just over a week now and on top of it all, it was summer break. Nothing could possibly go wrong. One step out of the bathroom after his morning routine-a quick ten-minute shower, the optimal one minute for brushing his teeth and, of course, one hundred strokes of the hair brush-made him eat his words. Someone, Kanda glared around at his bedroom, was going to pay for this. Had the rabbit returned early? Kanda didn't know but Lavi would still be his first victim.

His room, which had previously been to his-admittedly simple-tastes (all black, white, sleek and modern) was now decorated in varying shades of pink and red. Hearts littered all surfaces including, Kanda realized stricken, the walls. There could be no valid reason for this. It was four fucking months _after_ Valentine's Day. No excuses. Kanda stalked out of the room after successfully tearing every single decoration out of its place and shoving it all into the general direction of the nearest garbage can, looking for all the world like he was going to kill someone.

Kanda had few "friends" and really only a couple of them would dare do something so infuriating. His first stop was, quite obviously, the rabbit's house… or his grandfather's at least. Lavi's car was in the garage, which was not unusual-they had taken a taxi to the airport, after all. Kanda had been charged with protecting it (which he had agreed to do grudgingly but with a small amount of sympathy; Lavi's relationship with his car was akin to Kanda's obsession with Mugen) and he checked on it daily. Lavi wasn't at home, but neither was his grandfather so that cleared him of (most of the) blame.

Kanda's second stop was the bean sprout's apartment, which he promptly entered without knocking or showing any sign that he was there, barging into the place as if he owned it. It was locked, which was normal since the bean sprout was often extremely paranoid about leaving it open-something to do with his adoptive father and money, but no one could ever get the truth out of him so they had all given up. Eventually.

Allen had moved out of Kanda's apartment after about a year, something about it being too far from his workplace and having the "longest commute in the history of the world" just didn't sit well with him. The second bedroom was still mainly used by him, however, when he was in the area and didn't want to go all the way home.

Kanda had the spare key to Allen's apartment, something that Lavi had thankfully never picked up on. The Japanese man was apparently the only person the bean sprout trusted to look after his home without eating all of his food, looking through his belongings, and/or making a complete mess of the place-all things that the rabbit had done day in and day out _without_ a key. Well there were other reasons beside that, but that was the main one-and the least incriminating. Kanda proceeded to stomp into the bean sprout's room only to find a frazzled, half-asleep Allen sitting up in his bed and rubbing his eyes, yawning all the while. It was the single most adorable thing Kanda had ever seen in his life. None of this showed on his face, however, as he continued to scowl at the younger man.

"Kanda?" Allen managed to ask while blinking the sleep from his eyes, "What are you doing in my room at five in the morning?" Kanda had the decency to form one coherent sympathetic thought to that, accompanied by an almost guilty inner wince, '_Oops, was it really that early?_' His words slightly slurred together due to having just woken up, Allen looked strangely flustered, "You didn't come here to do _that _did you? We just did that the other night." Out of context that would have sounded so wrong. A blush crept over Kanda's face before he could contain it and he banished it quickly, hoping Allen hadn't noticed.

"No, bean sprout. I didn't come here at five in the fucking morning to have a videogame marathon with you. Did you or did you not abominamize my room?"

Allen looked (adorably) confused, "…that's not a word, BaKanda. And would it kill you to call me by my _name_? It's two syllables. Two. A-llen."

"Shut up, bean sprout, just answer the fucking question."

"I don't know what you're talking about, so I'm going to pretend you didn't wake me up two hours after I fell asleep to ask me inane questions that don't quite make sense. Good night." With a groan, he flopped back into his bed.

There was a pause as Kanda simply stood there staring at the wall and Allen attempted to unsuccessfully fall back asleep in the presence of a murderous Japanese samurai. Finally giving up, Allen's head peeked over the comforter he was comfortably snuggled underneath, "Is there something you _need_?" he asked skeptically, "Or do you simply enjoy standing in other people's bedrooms stalkerishly while they try to sleep?"

Antagonizing the already angry samurai was probably not the best idea, he later admitted, much less when he had only had so little sleep, but at the moment irritability had won the leading role in his disposition; two hours of sleep did that to people.

Kanda raised an eyebrow, obviously not expecting those words from the normally polite man. A flash of inspiration hit him as he stood there and a sly, predatory smirk made its way to his face. Five steps took him to the side of Allen's bed. One more found his knee indenting the mattress. And the last one? Well the last one was a secret. One that was never going to make it past the rooms of the bean sprout's thick-walled, sound-proofed apartment. And was definitely _not_ going to reach the ears of a nosy rabbit.

In the end, sitting up in the bean sprout's bed several hours later, Kanda realized that he had no idea who had rigged his room. But since he'd taken the "decorations" down, he found he didn't really care all that much any longer. Next to him, Allen rolled over with a groan, plopping an arm over Kanda's torso.

A good day indeed.

* * *

Number 8! Enjoy~

Xenophili- Well, actually, Psychological Purpose is the continuation of Social Purpose and I plan to continue the story in between all the one-shots. The nightmares are merely a nice cliffhanger *big grin* Thanks for the review!

waterlit- Thank you! I'm happy that I'm getting positive feedback, even if only from a couple people. That's not to say that I don't want more, but, well… can't be a chooser now can I haha. Anyway, I enjoy writing these stories if only because they're entertaining so I don't think there's anything that could possibly sadden me about them. The encouragement was very welcome though. Thanks again! Keep reading?


	9. Signs

Purpose

Signs

_Fucking hell… Did his face have something that said "I'm a fucking pansy" on it? Because he swore to god that if people didn't stop trying to fucking kick him, he would beat their asses into the ground. Literally._

It was a sign, Kanda decided, staring at the little piece of paper that had been stuck to his back with various pieces of tape. The writing looked vaguely familiar and with just a glance he could tell who it belonged to-the fucking rabbit had _signed_ it with his trademark bunny picture. Crumpling the paper angrily, Kanda decided to skip out on his next class and stalked off to find his next victim: a certain red-haired, one-eyed rabbit. The rabbit, of course, denied his involvement fervently between barely dodging Mugen and tripping over himself trying to pull his pants on. He had been napping peacefully in his nice, warm bed after class had ended, mumbling something about all-nighters and bean sprouts at Kanda's questioning look before jumping up quite suddenly and attempting to flee for his life. Needless to say, it hadn't worked. Kanda was standing in front of the only exit, blocking the door with Mugen drawn and waiting.

Lavi glanced at the window quickly, speculating on whether his chance of survival would be higher if he jumped out or if he had to face an angry (murderous, really) Kanda. Weighing the choices, Lavi almost took the window option before realizing that that would inevitably lead to double (triple maybe) the harm. Besides, he lived on the 3rd floor. There was little to no chance that he'd come out unscathed and then he would still have to deal with the man in the doorway, the one who was made of anything but sugar, spice and everything nice. …Ok, so Lavi really needed to stop watching the Powerpuff Girls.

Watching the Japanese man stalk toward him wielding a lethal blade was not doing wonders for his sanity and before he knew it, he'd said the first thing that popped into his head: "The bean sprout made me do it!" It was close to the truth at least. It had come up in their conversation once and they'd even debated what would happen. That was relevant! …Ok maybe not, but if it got an extremely sharp Mugen away from his throat it was better than nothing. And he was most definitely going to take the first flight out of town as soon as he managed to successfully get the other man out of his room.

…Which was apparently going to take a hell of a lot more persuasion since Kanda still had not even lowered his weapon of choice.

Everything was silent for a few minutes as Kanda stood there pondering the possible meaning behind 'The bean sprout made me do it!' and perhaps the meaning of Lavi's meager existence on Earth and whether it would be missed it if it was snuffed out prematurely. It took him about half a second to realize that Lavi's imprint on the world wasn't that large and another to realize that although his influence wasn't widespread he would still be missed. Unfortunate.

Getting rid of all evidence and finding a place to dump the body when someone would notice almost right away was tough… and a little too much effort for an angry samurai that just wanted to chop someone into tiny, tiny pieces and then send those pieces through a cheese grater leading to a furnace. …Ok, so that took effort too, but of a different variety.

Half a minute passed and Lavi found himself sweating, hands up in the air as if someone were pointing a gun at him-oh, if _only_. Kanda was a much quicker draw than any gun in existence. Lavi could (probably… ok, maybe) avoid a bullet. He stood no chance against Mugen.

Eventually, Kanda broke the silence: "Explain."

The rabbit laughed sheepishly before a nervous exclamation left his lips due to a particularly dangerous glint that flitted through the other man's eyes, "I-it-it… was… umm it was…"

That same dangerous glint returned with a vengeance, "It was _what_, rabbit?"

"Ha…h-a... ha… it was a…" Lavi thought quickly, "A dare! It was a dare!"

Kanda looked unimpressed, "A dare." That statement-that's-not-a-statement tone that angry-Kanda used made its appearance once again, this time with a mocking edge that left Lavi feeling both like an idiot and for-sure-dead.

"Yes, we were debating what your reaction would be to something of this caliber. You seem to have failed… a whole new low," came a new voice. Lavi almost melted out of sheer spontaneous _joy_.

"…_bean sprout_," Kanda hissed out before spinning to meet a surprisingly unafraid-looking Allen. Lavi let out a slight relieved sigh before making his way stealthily toward the door, inching around the samurai slowly. Hiding behind Allen, Lavi quickly left his room, deciding to stay somewhere far, _far_ away until this was resolved. Hawaii sounded awfully charming. Lavi managed to make his way through the open doorway before he felt more than saw Kanda attack his other best friend. He felt slightly guilty but put it out of his mind once he realized that he would most definitely die a painful death if he returned. The bean sprout at least had a chance. He winced slightly. His repair bills for this month would be slightly higher than normal. Maybe he could talk old man panda into giving him a raise…

"Alright, so how do I end this peacefully so I don't need to whoop your arse?" Allen pondered aloud.

Kanda snorted, "As if you could beat me, bean sprout. You haven't improved that much." For an angry samurai, Allen noted, Kanda sounded far too calm. If this had been a set up to trap him in Lavi's room and break all of his stuff on account of a 'sparring session,' Allen was determined to open a can of whoopass on Kanda's… well, ass.

But contrary to his initial thoughts on the matter, Kanda had an undertone of anger that ran deep and Allen couldn't for the life of him believe that a single piece of paper could rile him up that easily.

Suddenly, everything stopped and Kanda was sitting on the ground, cross-legged, running a hand through his hair. Allen was slightly confused, still crouched down in the corner from dodging the last attack that had been carefully aimed towards his head. It had almost hit its mark too, Allen sweated-Kanda was improving at a frightening rate.

Allen straightened up slowly, cautiously, aware that just about anything could set the other man off, and moved towards the side of the bed where Kanda was leaning, head fallen back on the bed and staring at the ceiling unseeingly.

There was a moment of silence before Allen looked over at him curiously, "…Do you want to talk about it?"

Kanda didn't answer immediately, grateful when the bean sprout next to him didn't interrupt the silence spreading over them. Keeping his eyes on the ceiling he began slowly: "It's been a bad week."

It was that one little comment that got Allen thinking. Kanda never truly complained about anything, save for the behavior of his so-called friends. Silence followed this admission, unbroken until from the corner of his eye Allen saw Kanda move to a more comfortable position. He felt his mouth working, opening and closing as no sound managed to move past his vocal chords, felt the man beside him stiffen in what was probably amusement-the bastard. Glancing over, he realized that it was nothing of the sort; rather, the blue-haired man looked to almost be in pain, gritting his teeth and shaking his head as if to get rid of the sensation. Suddenly, a niggling feeling made its way through Allen, the hair standing up on the back of his neck.

He was worried. It was a foreign emotion-at least toward the other man in the room. Kanda had never needed anyone's worries. He had always been a solid, self-proficient person who would refuse the help of any and everyone, scoffing their concerned looks and actions away with a glare and a huff.

Now, he wasn't sure what to do. No sound left his mouth as he formed silent words that he knew the other couldn't hear, didn't see. Finally, his brain connected what had previously short-circuited and he felt words leaving his mouth.

"Tell me."

Kanda glanced over at him, a critical glint in his eyes before looking forward once again, staring off into space. "I went to see a doctor yesterday."

Allen waited patiently, but that seemed to be the extent that the other was willing to go on his own. "Tell me."

Kanda snorted, probably thinking that those were the only two words in the bean sprout's vocabulary. "I saw a doctor yesterday. He said I have AIDS."

Allen was dumbstruck for all of a minute before coming back to himself. "How long?"

Silence greeted his answer, but he persisted: "How long do you have left to live?"

A long-suffering sigh left the other man's lips as he turned once again to face Allen. "Up to a year. Maybe longer."

Reality hit him like a pile of bricks, realization that his friend's life was about to snuff itself out. _And you're next_. It whispered horribly evil nothings, nonsense he refused to acknowledge. He felt a lump in his throat.

Swallowing it down, he brokenly whispered, "…who?"

Kanda laughed out loud, a hoarse mockery of his old laughter, "I'm a loyal guy, _Allen_. It appears you aren't."

Allen froze, "Oh, _fuck_. That _bastard_. I'll _kill_ him."

To say Kanda was confused was an understatement, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Allen ignored his words, mumbling things under his breath, altogether looking like he'd rip someone's intestines out before doing something unthinkable with them.

Kanda grabbed his shoulder, shaking him from his stupor, before pulling him to face him and grasping his other shoulder, "What _the fuck_ are you talking about?" he asked slowly, making sure to emphasize his words in case the bean sprout didn't get it.

"It was a sign, you know? A fucking sign. I didn't even see it, didn't even notice it at first, didn't think it really had any meaning. But that bastard, he didn't do shit and… the fuck, I'm going to kill him."

There was a pause. "Yes, because that made sense," Kanda stated dryly, hands still on the others' shoulders. "You want to explain that a little more thoroughly?"

"Not particularly… but I don't think I have much choice." Kanda rolled his eyes.

"Right, right, I'm getting to it," Allen took a deep breath, "Five years ago-"

"Five years ago? You were fucking 15 years old five years ago. What the fuck does five years ago have to do with anything?"

Allen glared at him, "If you'd let me tell the story, you would know. Now sit down and shut up."

Kanda shut up for a second but remained glaring at the man in front of him, "I suppose I shouldn't point out that I'm already sitting?"

Allen's glare intensified, "_No_, you shouldn't. _Anyway_," he eyed the other man, as if waiting for an excuse to smack him over the head, "five years ago, when I was _fifteen years old_, I was working off Master's debts, fat lot of good that did me. Probably would have been rich if he hadn't been there…

becauselinesareannoying

Allen was on his way home from one of his numerous jobs, when he caught sight of something in an alleyway. Now, being the honest kid he was, he couldn't help but take a look just in case he could be of some use-which was, of course, as he realized later, not even probable.

Two steps in the alleyway and he realized he shouldn't be there. What good could a scrawny fifteen-year-old _kid_ do against a five person gang beating on another scrawny kid? Quietly he backed up, intent on calling for help as soon as he made it out of the alleyway but miscalculated on the third step, his foot smacking into something hollow and clangy. Without stopping to see what it was or if anyone had noticed him, he spun around and ran for his life.

* * *

A nice cliffy for you all, it'll continue in the coming few chapters probably.

Finally on vacation! School was so busy that I have had neither the time nor inclination to worry about this; way too much to do lately. Hope this at least somewhat makes up for it! Sorry for the wait!

waterlit- Hi hi! I know it's been a while, so I just want to say sorry for that and I hope that you enjoyed this update. This one's a little bit of hilarity too. Thanks for reviewing!

Xenophili- Hope that makes a bit more sense, then. I'm glad to hear you're enjoying that series of works. The next one should be the continuation. I'll probably do part of the nightmares or something.

Lunarius-chibi- Thanks! It's not really a censored version, just a break from all the other ones I've written that have been rated M. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed this and you keep reading!


	10. Physiological Purpose

They were arguing. [It wasn't anything new; rather, it was the norm.] Quite out of the ordinary, however, the argument was much more intense. He couldn't hear any of the words, but he felt the anger, felt the frustration, felt the hatred. It shocked him-he'd never even considered hating the man in front of him. Oddly, he felt like an observer (not unlike those stories of a spirit floating above a scene, there but unable to do anything), felt his lips moving in a disconnected way that made him think he'd finally gone insane and developed another, more disjointed personality that had taken over his motor senses. Useless, he sat there, unable to change the words flowing out of his mouth, moving it in a way that made him feel disgusting (and yet he was unable to hear even a syllable), not knowing anything but the effect the words had on the other man. The anger and frustration that flowed through his own veins were reciprocated on the face before him, growing slowly as the words flowed out and he looked on helplessly. Then suddenly, everything was moving, the world was spinning, and his vision became blurry. In a whirlwind of dark blue (almost black) and silver-white, he found himself laying on the ground, winded and confused with an angry [friend? Enemy? Lover? Stranger?] standing over him, looking down at him disdainfully. Three seconds later, the man was gone and he belatedly realized that it wasn't that he had completely left; he was spread out on the ground next to him, gasping for air. Apparently, without having felt any movement whatsoever, he had swept the other man off his feet. Again he keenly felt the disconnect between his body and his mind and considered the option that he might have been the other, more disjointed personality sprung from the original. In his moment of thought, everything had changed. In fact, nothing remained the same. He and the other man were now standing in a forest looking around at the strange wildlife. Confused, he didn't know if the land around him had changed or if it had been so all the while and he hadn't noticed. While he and his body stared around, he (they? He didn't know) could feel the eyes on his (their? Again…) back, staring with such intensity it was almost a glare-might as well have been one. He saw more than felt himself turn, glancing at the other man almost sheepishly and then all of a sudden their previous anger, frustration, hatred flowed into him and whooshed out as if it had never been there. All that filled him was a sense of contentment, a satisfaction that was as strange as it was pleasant. It was just as this positive feeling settled in that everything started to go to hell.

Purpose  
Chapter 10: Physiological Purpose

"Nightmares, you say?" Kanda didn't look pleased with this new information.  
"I do say," Allen remarked with a wry grin that quickly fell away, "and they never make sense until the time when I feel the best… and then it just goes from weird to bad, horrible even. It has to be the worst series of events written by the most un-cliché person in the history of the world."

Kanda looked slightly puzzled, "Alright, continue."

Allen took a deep, deep breath before letting it out in a single, long whoosh before standing up and turning his back, pretending to do something as he continued.

.m.m.

Hell, he found, was-oddly enough-a debatable human construct; it was anything he wanted at any given time. This hell was dredged up from the deepest areas of his mind, constructed by the fears, denials, and other negative emotions lurking beneath the surface, creating the illusion of something that he didn't want to know, didn't want to think about, didn't want to see.

.o.o.

_It was just as this positive feeling settled in that everything started to go to hell._

Quite literally, in fact. The world started shaking, or it seemed to as all he managed to see of the tree (was it a tree?) in front of him was a vibrating brown blob with vibrating green blobs somewhere near it. The man in front of him-tall, dark and handsome, he'd thought vaguely-was again gone, yet this time careful examination of the situation and the area (or as best of a careful examination he could make while all he managed to see were shaking different-colored blobs) revealed that he had truly disappeared this time and was not laying on the ground trying to catch his breath as he had been the last time. He had the elusive thought that that was a good thing because he really hadn't felt, nor seen, any movement at all and it would prove a point he didn't want proven just yet. Instead he felt his gaze move towards what could have been the left, the right, up, down, backwards, forwards, he didn't quite know, but he was now looking at a blurry, moving outline of what was probably a cliff. Oh, great, he found himself thinking, now his original/other disjointed personality was suicidal. Just what he needed really. He didn't feel anything for a while, obviously didn't see much and then he was free-falling. Off the cliff of course. He didn't quite know what he was doing or why he was doing it but he was quite certain that this would lead to certain death or as certain a death as it could be falling off a cliff of unknown height with an unknown destination. For all he knew-curse his vision-there could be a giant trampoline, a lake, a giant mattress (wouldn't that be comical?) at the bottom of the drop, ready to catch him as he fell. Equally possible was an ocean with a pointy rock bottom or a forest filled with carnivorous animals. As he fell, he had the vague thought that it didn't matter what happened to him because he was not "him" and therefore the body he was in wasn't his own, but even that was a problematic thought and he cast it away after serious reflection.

.s.s.

"A nightmare never sounds scary when you tell someone about it, does it?" Allen grimaced, "That's incredibly unfair."

Kanda looked on, slightly bemused, "Pft. Continue, bean sprout. I'm sure you'll get to a part that at least sounds nightmare-ish soon enough."

"The name's Allen, you jerk. Al-len. I don't see how that's so hard to understand."

"Bean sprout."

Allen pouted.

.t.t.

Reflecting on it, he didn't think it sounded that frightening, wasn't sure why his subconscious, unconscious, whatever it was, was so scared. The situation was actually quite comical in many respects, but then again, those nightmares were usually the worst for him. They went from funny to horror in three seconds flat.

.b.b.

He fell and fell and continued to fall, found himself opening his eyes warily, feeling as though he weren't really falling at all. But his vision was blurry from the speed he was going and he was sure he'd break something when he hit the bottom. Something as in his entire body. It was kind of funny, he mused as he continued to fall, who knew death would be so completely boring? Then, without even realizing it, he had stopped falling. In fact, he didn't quite know which way was up, down, left, right, backwards, forwards… he wasn't really aware of anything save for the fact that he was gurgling in water at an alarming rate and he should probably stop trying to breathe underwater. He still wasn't sure why he hadn't broken anything (his body), was surprised at the appearance of the water, its depth and the weird prickly feeling on the back of his neck that meant he was being watched. He didn't know what he was being watched by, of course, because that would have made him psychic and he was nowhere near psychic-level. In fact, his sixth sense was probably the weakest in the history of humanity. He took a moment to grieve for the psychic-ness that he had never been born with before realizing that his body had moved, had turned, and was now staring at, well, nothing. The water was dark, murky and filled with what looked vaguely like plants, algae. He felt his body turn, staring straight ahead, searching for the source of that prickly feeling at the back his neck. It increased when he turned in a certain direction, was almost nonexistent when he turned in another. He wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but he felt that the air stored in his lungs was starting to burn, turning into carbon dioxide at a too-fast rate and he couldn't breathe, couldn't swim, for a second couldn't see. Not knowing which direction would get him away from the water he kicked out, hoping against all else that there would be air. Somewhere, anywhere. Eventually, his lungs burning more, his vision blotting, his ears ringing, his body dying he broke the surface and found himself strangely in a dark, dank cave. He wasn't alone.

.e.e.

"…is this the nightmare part yet?" Kanda looked bored, ready to strangle Allen for his over-exaggeration. This was in no way close to a nightmare.

"No, this is the preface," Allen deadpanned, "The introduction comes next, if you'll just wait a little bit. Then the beginning, followed by a middle and an end. Like a normal story. You have heard of stories haven't you?" he smirked before yelping as he received a swat to the head.

Kanda's eyes flashed before returning to normal, "Just finish the fucking story-dream, fucking bean sprout."

Allen grumbled a bit.

.l.l.

He had never truly been alone, he thought in a certain amount of indecisiveness. He had never deliberated on it really, had never considered the true meaning behind 'alone.' Now, as he was forced to consider the thought, when faced with its eerie opposite, he found that he wasn't sure which he liked better. Alone meant little danger, but a loneliness that would be ever-present. The idea of an unknown entity was frightening, but it would distract from the presence of 'lonely.'

.o.o.

**He came up struggling to breathe, body aching, pain soaring through his limbs, vision blotting and ears ringing deafeningly.**

Breathing in large gasps of air, he glanced around quickly seeing nothing. He felt the eyes on the back of his head, felt the other being in the room-intense and frightening as a blizzard rolling into the valleys of Antarctica, cold as one too-felt his body move away from that source of intensity focused on him. He waded over to the other side slowly, making no sudden movements and hoping beyond all hope that whatever was behind him just might be human in the end. One step, two, three, four on land and he was spinning around quickly, flattening his back against the wall. The pressure was gone. The cave was empty. It was frightening. Beyond just that, even. His legs feeling like something akin to pudding-not jello, that was too strong-he felt himself sliding down the wall, legs stretched out in front of him before he brought them in close in a fetal position. The intensity had returned. He was afraid to look, afraid to see what had changed since a minute before, where the other had gone. He glanced up through his bangs. There was nothing there but the feeling remained. He was not alone. Something flashed in the corner of his vision, a dark blue with a burst of crimson red. Cloth, he wondered, or something else? He found his vision following that streak of color, coming upon a dark cave wall, smoothened by many years of high tide rising. There was something there, something he could only just see. He stood shakily and moved towards it. Reeling away from the gruesome sight, he found himself staring into the dark black water-inky, almost hazardous green-a dim reflection glancing up at him, meeting his eyes and watching as his last meal (three days ago? Four?) left his system. He realized all too slowly that that was not his reflection. That was not him.

.v.v.

"What do you mean it wasn't you? That doesn't make any kind of shitty sense," Kanda glared at the wall, "Your dreams are fucking retarded, bean sprout."

Allen rolled his eyes, "Not as if I can control them, idiot. They're dreams for a reason, you know. The water was creepy as all hell, too," his face went pale, "And you definitely would not have wanted to see that."

Kanda looked confused. Allen ignored it.

.e.e.

He hadn't looked in a mirror in a long time, he realized, and he often wondered why he avoided them, why he disliked them so much. His reflection wasn't horrible, wasn't gruesome, wasn't frightening-most of the time, at least-and he could never understand why they freaked him out to no end. Until that day, the day that he looked in the mirror and saw someone else. That was not him.

.d.d.

The face in his reflection was dark, a grayscale figure with black gaping eyes and a giant black, creepy smile that should not have been possible. It smiled up at him, eyes glaring into his soul as if saying that he belonged to it, this creature with the smug features and eyes filled with laughter. So entranced was he by the horrid image, he did not notice as a hand came swiftly out of the water towards him. Only when it had grabbed him securely did he try to shake it off, fail and panic. Pulling itself up from the water by his hand, as if that was the only thing that allowed it to leave its murky lair, the creature leant in close and he saw its face constrict into a tighter smile. It was laughing at him, mocking his inability to do anything. It was taking over his body. Moments before his body was not his own he had realized that everything up until then had been him, even if he had not felt himself moving, had not felt himself speaking, had not heard the words coming from his mouth. It had all been him. And now, he found with growing dread, he was no longer in command of his body. This was not him. His body moved, he felt it in every pore, felt as it turned toward the source of his disgust: the body pinned to the wall in front of him. Movement had been something he had not felt up until this point; he had thought his motor senses had been taken over, but now that they truly had been he realized that before it was just because he had been detached from himself-detached from the words he was saying and his reality: a conscious decision that he had made because he had hurt himself as he hurt the man in front of him. He felt his eyes rake up the still figure hanging from the chains set in the wall, felt them settle on the face, the long hair hanging limply, felt an evil, smug smirk creep over his lips. He wanted to scream. He tried, found he could not even pry apart his own lips, found he could not do anything but float in his space and do nothing. Kanda. It was Kanda. He felt his arm moving, took a good look at where it was going and his eyes widened. No. The hand continued moving. No. It wrapped around the handle of a whip. No. He could do nothing as the weapon was lifted, as he felt his eyes crinkle in amusement as he looked on in horror, could do nothing as he saw the head in front of him lift up slightly, eyes looking up at him with dawning comprehension and a glint of betrayal. He screamed… but not a sound would come out.

.A.W.

"…it was you," a broken whisper made its way past Allen's lips, "It was always you." He found himself rocking back and forth, found he could do nothing about it and thought he just did not want to stop.

There was a deep, prolonged silence in which Kanda simply looked at the man in front of him. Slowly, he moved, arms wrapping around Allen in a comforting gesture.

Suddenly, Allen's whole body lurched and Kanda pulled away with a slight frown. "Bean sprout? Earth to bean sprout, anyone home?" he called dryly, not really expecting anything.

"Hello, Kanda," a voice that was decidedly not Allen, not his bean sprout, practically purred out. Allen's head raised slowly from where it had been hanging, eyes opening almost in slow-motion, "It is nice to finally meet you."

Kanda backed away slowly, hand moving automatically to the hilt of his sword, "Who are you?"

The figure in front of him laughed, eyes a glaring red in the face belonging to his (debatably) best friend, "You don't recognize me? That's such a blow, I'm almost insulted."

Kanda snorted, "Good. Who the fuck are you?"

A slightly deranged smirk moved across Allen's face, growing larger than should have been possible, "My name is Allen, of course. You can't even recognize the face of your lover?"

Almost laughing out loud in derision, Kanda maintained a sarcastic countenance with some difficulty, "And I'm the Queen of England. I won't ask again, who the fuck are you?"

The figure paused for one beat too many, "Alright. I suppose you have the right to know more than anyone else," his arms raised in a dramatic sweep and bowed lowly, "It is a pleasure to meet you, I am the Fourteenth Earl of Korde. I do not, as of yet, remember much of my past, but you may call me…" he left off for a minute, tilting his head in thought before his smirk widened and he looked forward once more, "Fourteenth."

* * *

Alright, so a little bit of different formatting for this one, but I hope it made it more enjoyable. It's also a little long, to make up for the long stretch of time that I haven't written. I apologize for that, but I have had neither the time nor inclination to worry about this; way too much to do lately. Hope this makes up for it!

waterlit- Hey! So sorry for the lateness in this. Haven't had the time to do anything recently… Chapter 9 had a rather serious ending even if the beginning of it was all fun and games. I'm hoping to continue with the rather sobering topics a little bit from now on with a dash of my rather dry and black humor. Hope you enjoy!


	11. Insanity

Purpose

Insanity

_Fucking hell… He really hated his classes. Okay maybe not all of them, but the majority were boring, were wastes of time and had equally boring, equally waste-of-time assignments. Especially this one._

Insanity was a bitch, Kanda decided, staring at his computer screen unseeingly. It had been on the same white page for around half an hour now. The same _blank_ white page. In fact , the little blinking cursor was starting to bother him, had after just five minutes, but he couldn't bring himself to exit the document. Oh, he damn well could, but that would be an automatic zero out of fifty much-needed points. Just because he hadn't studied for the fucking midterm did not mean… Meh. That wasn't really anything new anyway and normally it wouldn't've been a problem either, but his professor had up and cancelled one and a half weeks of class the day of the midterm, which effectively made him forget every single little thing he had learned up to that point. Hospitalized or not, that just hadn't been cool. So here he was, sitting and staring at the computerized version of a blank sheet of paper that was getting abso-fucking-lutely nowhere.

He had been charged, quite purposefully he suspected (fucking abominators), with the extremely and utterly unwanted task of writing something, anything, in the point of view of an insane person. This had to be pre-meditated. Fuck, he was _sure_ it was. Did they think him fucking dense or something? The not-so-subtle hints they'd been dropping everywhere for him to find the last semester and a half had been just begging him to go see a shrink and take care of his mental issues. No, his _problem_ was that he didn't have any fucking _issues_ so them insisting he go fix his _nonexistent_ _problems_ was stupid and counterproductive. Fucking psychos.

So it began anew. He sat there, staring at the blank white screen in front of him, frustration building and a familiar irritation straining to be let out. Just as he was about to tear himself away from the garishly white screen in front of him, he felt more than heard his door slam open and heard rather than saw an annoyance enter through the probably-broken door.

"Yuu-chan!"

"…you're paying for that door, idiot rabbit," Kanda growled almost calmly, not even bothering to tear his eyes from the screen in front of him. He felt the rabbit deflate behind him.

"But Yuu-chan…!"

"No buts, fucking rabbit. You break it, you buy it. Isn't that how it is in stores? Just think of it like you're constantly in a store when I'm around. It'll be that much easier for the both of us."

The rabbit pouted from his place by the now-unhinged door, especially when he saw the level of concentration that Kanda was affording him (i.e. none). He seemed to pause for a minute as he stared down at the door and realized he might already be treading on some really paper-thin ice from the expression on the other's face. **Take it slow, Lavi, take it slow** a voice whispered somewhere in the depths of his mind. Personality number 48 was it? _Lil? What the hell are you still doing here? _

Amidst his internal controversy, Lavi found that he could not quite concentrate on the being in front of him, which was something of a novelty for the dark-haired samurai, who had never once heard a prolonged silence from the rabbit in front of him. Glancing around to make sure the rabbit hadn't left to break something in his hallway or perhaps another door, he was quite surprised when he saw the other man leaning against the doorframe, locked in an interesting battle of "who can make the most creative faces." With himself.

_Weird guy, _Kanda found himself thinking as he continued to stare and Lavi made some of the most record-breakingly interesting faces he had ever seen on the guy. Sighing, Kanda decided he had had enough. As much as he hated it, he had an assignment to do and a not-quite-annoying (for once) rabbit in his room.

"Are you going to tell me why you're here or do I have to kick you out without even hearing you out?"

Lavi jumped about half a foot at the calm statement, "Oh, Yuu-chan, didn't realize you were still there. Lots to do lately, guess I spaced out. Didn't know quite what I was doing, you know how it is. School really is a bitch lately and all, guess I haven't slept enough. Man I really need some sle-"

"Rabbit. Shut. Up." Lavi's mouth closed with a resounding snap that sounded like it really hurt, "You tend to babble yourself in circles when you're shaken you know. Regardless, I will ignore the fact that you are a complete imbecile and give you a chance (the only one you'll ever get, mind you). Tell me what you are doing here." There was a pause, "And I mean now."

"Well. Er. The bean sprout's birthday is tomorrow-"

"-No it's not, what the hell are you talking about?"

Lavi gave him a weird look, "Yes it _is_. Don't you even know what today is? Have you lost all track of time in this little room you call a haven?"

Kanda took a calming breath, "You shut that mouth or I will shut it for you. So the bean sprout's birthday is tomorrow, what do I care?"

Lavi pouted again, "I thought we were all friends. I'm getting Lenalee and a whole bunch of others together to celebrate. And you are coming as well." A pregnant pause filled the space after Lavi's statement, "No ifs, ands or buts about it."

Kanda ran a hand over his face, "I can't."

Lavi made a loud sound that was very unlike him, "Like hell you can't. You're his best friend (or one of them at least). You will be there or you will be sorry."

Kanda just looked at him, "No, you don't understand. I literally _cannot_ go to this birthday party you have in store for him. I have to write this fucking paper. Insanity is a real bitch."

Lavi stared, then sent several searching glances between Kanda's face and the computer screen before sighing, "Fine. I'll help you and then we can go get him presents and we can go to the party. It's not a long paper is it?" Kanda opened his mouth to answer but was cut off, "Good. In any case, it shouldn't take too long." So rather begrudgingly they both set down to work.

An hour later the former blank white page on the computer screen had a sentence written on it.

"Progress!" Lavi exclaimed as Kanda looked at him as if he were insane-maybe that was the point? "Onward, ho!"

Kanda rolled his eyes and hit the man over the head, "You will shut up now or I will make you shut up."

"Yes sir!"

"Good. Now work. Stupid rabbit."

Three hours later the paper was finally complete. About an hour in, they had finally come across something of substantial use to them which had been the trigger to writing like an insane person. Now, removing themselves from this persona was proving a tad bit difficult.

"You're a moron, rabbit."

"What the fuck, rabbit? Who's a fucking rabbit?"

"You are, I am, we're all fucking rabbits!"

Kanda looked slightly disgusted before giggling slightly, "Those freaks at school have nothing on us. We are the almighty rabbits of… of…"

Just then Allen made his way carefully through the ruins of the doorway, "What the hell happened here?"

The two other boys in the room turned to face him rather quickly as Lavi jumped up and down from his place on Kanda's bed, "Rabbit here, rabbit there. Where are all the rabbit… mares?"

Kanda ran a hand through his hair slowly as Allen stared in disbelief at the scene in front of him, "What. The. Hell."

"You wouldn't believe the kind of assignments teachers give nowadays, bean-sprout-chan, there's all sorts of rabbits and whatnot! It's soooooooooooooooo…." and then he promptly passed out on the bed.

Allen glanced at the passed-out rabbit before turning his gaze to the samurai in front of him, "…Kanda? Are you ok?"

Kanda looked troubled for a second before his face cleared into an evil-looking smirk, "Just perfect," he stated before standing up slowly and inching toward the bean sprout.

"Now hold on there Kanda," Allen backed away slowly, "Don't do anything rash. We are all calm, rational people here," Allen glanced at the rabbit on the bed, "With the exception of a stupid rabbit now laying claim to your bed."

Kanda paused a moment before continuing, "What do I care? I'm being perfectly rational." With that, he grabbed the bean sprout's unwilling hand and pulled him after him, "Besides I have a present for Y.O.U. _bean sprout,_" he whispered in his ear sensually.

Allen stopped resisting and followed the other man out of the room.

The next day as Kanda was sitting in bed-not his own, he realized-he made the decision that insanity wasn't so bad. And doors were nice. He was more determined than ever to get Lavi to pay for that door, but first… He leant in toward the sleeping white-haired figure next to him and nibbled on his ear, "Happy birthday… Allen."

The man moaned, waking up almost immediately before pulling his partner down for another round, "My birthday isn't for another three months, what are you talking about?"

Kanda paused before an evil smile flashed across his face and his eyes showed as if they were contemplating someone's death, "…right. Well, I'll let it drop for now but the next time I see that stupid rabbit…"

Allen chuckled huskily, "If I can help it that won't be for a long… _long_… time," he stated punctuating each word with a kiss.

* * *

Err… so this is a lot earlier of an update than they normally are (surprise surprise!) but the trade-off is that I probably won't be updating for a long time yet. I'll get one up as soon as I can but for the next few months I will be busy beyond all else. Regardless, I will try. Hope you enjoyed!

waterlit- Er sorry. I'm well aware that long paragraphs can be both a bore and a chore to read, but the formatting of this one was to me what made the entire thing so I didn't want to change it. It was supposed to be somewhat incomprehensible since he was telling a dream and I hoped to get that out through long paragraphs that are a bore and a chore to read haha. Hope you liked this one too! Keep reading? (:

Famelia Ly- I'm glad to hear that you've been following the stories! I know they're kind of spread out (1, 5, 10, etc) and that's always a bit of a really big cliff-hanger, but I hope you'll hang in there. I'm hoping I can update a couple more times, but as I said before it'll be a bit of a challenge. I will certainly try though! Thanks for the review!


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